Stumped growth

Lovely Saturday, and I'm in the classroom agonizing thru a lecture regarding Transmitters. Well at least I think it's about transmitters.

I don't know if it's my passion hatred towards Electronics or not (actually I do have a passion towards electronics, I hate it with passion :) ) but I totally phased out the moment the instructor opened his mouth. TOTALLY.

And I'm in a class with youngsters that just got out of college, yes, freshies of 23 year olds, or 24 yr olds or so.

Having 2 years ahead of them doesn't help either. I just feel too too too old to learn.

Think my brain's a little rusty. Not as fresh as last time. I don't even analyze anymore, accept things as it is.

Not good. Need. to. challenge. brains.

Or is it due to caffeine overdose? or brain cells deteriorating from the radiation of FB-ing too much. Been training like almost one year d...Too long........................

me and him

Just to share a picture of me and him. Yes he was very reluctant to write that on the sand ;)

am supposed to be flattered...

back in Abu Dhabi again!

Am in the same class with 12 young men, with raging hormones for my maintenance school.


6 healthy americans. hmmm i would say 2 of them are nice, but the other 4 of them are just well so miang and hamsap. it should be flattering that they are hitting on me, but i'm actually annoyed...

since i lagi sudah berpunya. haha. ok but need to clarify none of them said anything 'harassing' to me since our company is really big on this sexual harassment thing. :P

but i am loyal to my abang la. that's the main point. none of them are as cute as my abang anyway...ever since i got attached seems like no one is as cute as him. (haha, saying it cos he may be reading this blog la)

I am soooooooooooo tired...Air brakes and pneumatic systems just don't make sense to me anymore, it's been years since I graduated...Ganbatteeeeeeeeee

inadequacy

I feel inadequate somehow!
not by size, definitely, but by measuring myself against my other super successful friends...
and at the moment, i am lagging behind financially, physically, emotionally and...hmm socially?

i do have a loving boyfriend and a great family though (which i don't see often)...

money o' money, pls grow quickly!

on a 2nd thought, me here in Labuan, other than working i don't really hv much to do, i should have ALL the time to focus on self-improving...bt so far the only improvement i've seen is the expansion of my waistline and everywhere else on my body, which is bad bad news :P

quarterlife crisis thing

I think I'm experiencing a phase II quarterlife crisis. I just feel so lazy and demotivated to do anything at all. Totally uninspired.

change design!

After being MIA so long in blogging...never realized this Template Designer function thingy...but it's time for a change...still a bit too colorfulish for my liking, yes i'm such a boring person...we'll see!

Poppy...

Btw it's my birthday today! :) Spoke to my mom just now and she told me that she won a lucky draw last night - A Dell Laptop, but she also said that Poppy, our dog in Taiping passed away a few days ago...and Papa said he has been with us since 1995...so it's a bit older than 15 years old...for a dog to live up to 15 yrs I find it impressive, no?

Mom said a week ago when she went back to Taiping Poppy seemed really weak but Poppy has always been loyal and guarded the house (fiercely?) all his life. I remembered it came in a cute puppy size, if I am not mistaken...well I don't go back to Taiping that often so I don't remember...

But initially, it used to at all strangers, the 1st time I saw it, it barked at me and my mom made it 'smell' and 'sniff' at me and remember my 'scent'...after that it never barked at me anymore...

Anyway, Poppy had been sick since early this year, I'd say due to old age and something at his 'coconuts'...but it wouldn't quit and still took care of the house. Mama said she did this 'ritual', burned incense etc and spoke to Poppy..."you know you've served us for a long long time, and since you have been sick, you don't have to do it anymore...you could go if you want, we appreciate you being around for so long" (I don't know ar if this has been dramatized or not...I'm just saying it how my mom told me) but i guess Poppy understood? My parents make a weekly trip back to Taiping just to feed him...so last weekend when they went back to Taiping, Poppy already died peacefully in his sleep. Mama said it sat in a very nice position, with his nose facing the gate, just as usual, waiting for his owners to come home every week...but maybe his spirits was lifted and felt it was OK to leave after my mom did the 'ritual' thing. I don't know for sure if a dog understood but I guess so? It's so simple but yet so touching...

Then Mama buried it with Papa's help...but as carcasses, like humans, after it died, would bloat up...Mama wrapped it and was about to carry it then it let out a big fart...so she got such a fright and fell sick...well, anyway Poppy is now lying in his last home just behind our house in Taiping...Mama said it brought her luck, hence the Laptop Dell lucky draw...so it's all good

May Poppy RIP

catching up with life...

how many of us needs it?

I barely have time anymore, to do anything at all. and time really flies...I always told myself, tomorrow I will update my blog, and with a blink of an eye, it has been 4 months since I last wrote.

I enjoy writing, it allows me to express myself even though I'm not very good with words, nor the greatest command in grammar, but it makes me feel good. and i've been getting requests to write, so here I am, by request. LOL.

My work is fine, i think I will have a somewhat bright future, if not a party light bright also will jadi lah. I thought I was happy, I get a reasonable pay...it's considered very little in the oil and gas industry, well, because I am still a trainee, but it's a reasonable pay. Still got complains but I learn to be grateful. So am sticking to this job, and waiting for my big break to come when I become rich and famous. Not really, just have to go through this 3-year career path. 9 months down, 26 months to go. it feels such like a prison sentence sometimes.

Labuan is not too bad of a location to be in...I get a nice staffhouse, a maid comes in to clean 6 days/week, I get to thrash my stuff and magically things are back to their original place when I get back from work.

BUT...if I don't get out of Labuan, I do not get additional pay like allowances to do additional stuff. BUT...that would mean I have to be nomadic and earn just a peasy bitsy more. Worth it or not? Worth or not I still will take it la.

Then I become miserable when I open my grand excel spreadsheet that stipulates my savings, cash flow in and out, investments (or the lack of it)...granted I am able to afford more things now, but I cannot do grand things with them...like buying my own place...the sum I am earning seems so paltry in comparison. And I see people in my industry, my age, owning a few properties already etc, or having the time of their life...

That was then, just about 2 months ago that I was really miserable. After that the philosophical me managed to cheer myself up and said "sacrifices is needed to get ahead. Be contented with what you have and learn as much as you can from this stint."

I guess the most difficult thing being this job is not the physically tough things I have to do, but just physically away from loved ones.

Anyway I'm doing great now, miserable from time to time - like now - where since this morning I ran to the toilet 6 times d due to my amazing cooking :(

Just now I was browsing thru a friend's FB page...and he is doing OK, a regular job with regular salary, his main transportation is a motorbike, recently proposed to his girlfriend (and she said yes), about to move into a new house, simple mind, simple dreams (well one of his dreams is to become rich obviously) but yet, I felt that he was truly happy.

He takes care of his pets, i think he has about a gazillion pets, takes pictures of them, very in love with his gf, plays sports, acts like an idiot most of the time (I think la), quite stingy as far as I remember, but never does anything against his principles. His friends love him. I can say, I really respect him.

Then I start feeling a bit empty inside. I probably earn more than him, and I have found someone that really loves me, my future seems 'bright', I have a bunch of friends that cares for me (but just forgotten because I'm always not around), been traveling around a bit...in an absurd way, I envy him. He looks so...contented...whereas I keep wanting more, needing more. I know I can be happy being back finding a new job in KL or Penang, but once I lose the thrill/challenges at work I would feel restless again.

I guess it's the case of missing the beau, family and friends. :) But I've a new life here, and it ain't that bad either...

revival of blog from Abu Dhabi!

oops. time passes so quickly that i didn't realize that i have not updated for 2 months!

I was in balikpapan for 2 months...and I guess my technical knowledge took a hike again. the stuff that i returned to the lecturers upon my graduation is slowly coming back to me...well, not THAT much...but a bit a bit lah...

frankly, my technical knowledge/capability is really not good. but...I can only try and do my best :P

I went to the rig for the 1st time, and it's offshore so it was really cool...and the people that i worked with were really nice...but everytime i have reviews with my mentor/manager i sure kena screw like crazy cos i'm not prepared...but each time it will get better than the previous time...so i'm glad that there were improvements!!!

Anyway...now in Abu Dhabi for 6 weeks' cementing school. Yep, I dont know, but this company seriously sucks out the energy in me...I don't even feel like doing anything fun anymore...I cannot think of anything more fun than sleeping...that's bad right. but after catching up on sleep for the past week, i think slowly but surely my mojo is coming back...I was not a very fun person before...but I was not THAT boring either (like now) but the old me will be back!!!!

Time to get some things back to check:
1) Losing some weight (haha - it never happens but i like to put it in anyways)
2) Going on a vacation with my abang
3) Focus on LEARNING in my job - i become so lost and not focused most of the time
4) Find a hobby! Photography...and whatever happened to my beloved yoga?!!
5) I can do it!!!!

Sekian!

how did those people manage?

Greetings from Balikpapan, Indonesia...I'll be here for 2 months, for training...

and it's really not what i expected...I thought it would be like Labuan, a small kampung but instead it's more like Miri, really kinda modern...well, if it has Starbucks then it must be modern. LOL but no McDonald's here...been just here for 2 days and the accommodation is great...the team here seems to be really nice too, just that I'm still not THAT geared up for work. perhaps the fact that I'll be missing CNY for 3rd consecutive year is bumming me out.

However, I managed to go back to Penang last week with my beau. I got in KL on Saturday evening and went to Penang on Sunday and stayed a day. Yahhhssss dah introduce my beau to the parents, grandparents and samkulokpor eemagujeh. LOL well not my fault that the entire extended family stays in the same house right? I think my parents liked him. he's just too quiet though. However he's getting more and more talkative lately...not sure if it was a good thing or not since one of the qualities i liked about him was of his shyness and quietness.

Anyways, met up with his parents too. Errr, not sure if I made a good impression or not, but it didn't matter lah, since we are still so new...but really happy that at least i got to pre-collect my angpows from my family hehehe. and my grandma gave me a jar of kuih kapit. i shall be hugging that kuih kapit while the whole family has steamboat during the reunion dinner. I miss my steamboat!!!

Oh, and these 2 days I was just catching up on emails etc and my online accounts...all really berterabur ha...I didn't know that I have so many online accounts for so many things...activated my I-Akaun for EPF, then I opened an online trading account for a bank, yet another account...then about a million loyalty cards for airlines...Emirates, Enrich MAS, Etihad Airways, then entah what else lah...then since I'll be away from Malaysia again (this time with beau, so must keep in touch with him else he will go astray) banyaklah semangat install this Skype lah, FreeCall lah dunno what. Oh, not to mention AirAsia account, MAS account, MAS Get the Deal account...Each account has different user name requirements...and some passwords needs alphanumeric, some alphanumeric symbol entah apa lah...I've already lost count of different types of usernames/passwords for certain accounts. Everytime also main hentam only. LOL

But i do realize that I am so reliant on these accounts!!!! Online banking to pay bills, make bookings or purchases...keep track of this and that and many many many many more. Don't think I could do without them...

Question is: before the advent of Internet, how did these people manage these different utilities? I find even via using Internet it's very time consuming already...imagine in those zaman dinosaur, we had to queue up slowly to make bank transactions, pay utilities bills, EPF, stock trading, buy air ticket etc. Can die lorrrrrrr...

Oh well. that's all my coretan. :)

My kept man

It happened when abang Soon (my beau) visited me in Labuan, he was very malas to keluar makan for lunch so i offered to meet him at Ujana Kewangan (Labuan's biggest shopping mall) straight after work so that we could have lunch together. actually i dah makan d, but just wanted to make sure my abang gets fattened up.

As a FYI, in Labuan, it is considered a "fashion statement" to be walking around in coveralls. In any other part else in Malaysia (except Kemaman, Terengganu) it would be like a major fashion faux pas to be wearing coveralls to melepak anywhere - Coveralls are like what those mechanics wear one lah, btw. so anyways here in Labuan, people seems to like to lepak and eat lunch and eat dinner in their coveralls, me not excluded. Sometimes when I would go out for lunch, I would just go eat straight in my coveralls also. Mentang2 sumore is coverall of my company (one of the biggest oilfield service provider in the world), so it doesn't make me any prouder, but according to a friend, these guys in Kemaman would be so PROUD that they'd wear it until 10pm at nite LOL.

Back to my story, yeah it is considered a norm to be wearing coveralls. sometimes when girls wear coveralls people would look though, cos it's not common for girls to be in the oil and gas industry. So that day, if I'm not mistaken, on New Year's eve, I got to go back early so went to meet him straight at the shopping mall.

Usually here in Labuan, what we would see is a guy in coveralls and by the side a woman - As the "kupu-kupu malam" industry is big here and i guess women would also want to be with men from oil and gas industry (considered lucrative compared to other industries) so memang normal lah. Men in coveralls with women by their sides. be it girlfriend ker, isteri ker, kept woman ker...

and the ironic thing was, I was working at the yard (workshop) that day, and under the sun, with grease all over my coveralls and stuff...(really looked like mechanic)...then I was in my safety boots also, wearing it phua chu kang style. then when my abang came to meet me, it was actually very funny for me. lol. me, in coveralls, safety boots and grease and holding hands with my "bat jeng jeng" (cleanshaven) abang. It really felt like he was my kept man instead, and i think it did really turned some heads when people saw us. they must be thinking "wah, this guy is this girl's lelaki simpanan kah?" cos he was in khakis and t-shirt...

But i kinda like the feeling. Yong, my kept man...hehehe

i am feeling a bit depressed

I seldom read the newspapers...really, not much for the past 2 years i think. Ignorant about politics, developments in the world. Who cares about which politician is creating scandal again, which is embezzling the nation's funds again...occasionally only would i browse thru and scan thru headlines. [however i do agree that we do need to keep abreast with the info for the sake of our country, but that's entirely another topic]

but past 2 days I had some time so I just went to thestar online and read about the dragon boat tragedy. 6 perished. what that was thought to be a healthy & fun activity lead to a catastrophe. it's never good when injuries and deaths are involved.

I've been underwater a few times before. Playing white water rafting, the recent offshore safety course where a helicopter simulator capsized and we were inside it and had to swim out of it. or when playing with water. it's not a pleasant feeling at all when the water went into your lungs and you can't breathe at all. You'd panic...imagine those who drowned. the last few moments before the water fills up your lungs. all the moments in your life fleeting past you. :(

and for the parents and family and friends of the deceased, who would have thought that morning when Mom made a cup of hot chocolate and biscuits for her child before he went off for practice, that she'd never ever see her boy alive again. He, being in his rebellious years, probably didn't even tell her that he loves her, nor thanked her. 16-17 years...he'd never even attend college. would never have a girlfriend, get married.

Of course, this accident is the same as any other accident. Vehicle accidents, murders, fires...the school is grieving at the moment, but life goes on. They'll heal in months, slowly but surely. the best friend of one of the deceased would probably in a worse spot, never seeing his best friend again, not being able to hang out again and gossip about girls etc. he'll find another best friend, eventually. but for the families, it'll be in their memories forever. "if only I had not let my son...", "If only I had..."...so many what-ifs...things would and cannot be reversed. I read that one of the victims was an only child. :( Chung Ling High School, to those unknown, is a premier boys school in Penang for those who went to Chinese primary school (vernacular, if I'm not mistaken). You'd have to do exceptionally well in UPSR to be able to enter CLHS. The parents probably harboured all their hopes on their only child, and even the parents of the rest of the students...The day the child died is the day their hopes and dreams fell apart.

As I said few days ago, sometimes, we forget to be grateful of what we have until we see the misfortune of others. The times that I yell at my parents, at least they get to listen to my voice, 1 more time. The times that I was hurt by comments of a friend, at least I know that I am capable to feel. The times that I injured my knee, at least I am able to tread on the grounds. The times that I scalded my hand cooking, at least I am able to eat.

This feeling of course will pass. The appreciation of life, the gratefulness of having loved ones around us safely. But we are but only humans, we will forget again.

being grateful

Just now I went out for lunch with my bunch of colleagues...a new colleague just joined us last week, she's working like an admin for us in the maintenance team. Really nice, attractive and sweet. I thought she was just one of the regular us...I was always not in the office (we have to work in the workshop as trainees) so I've never noticed her physical attributes and stuff...

Then while we were eating, she sat across me. her food arrived and she prayed. then she picked up her utensils and only did I notice that she had 2 fingers missing, and the other 3 deformed. her left hand was alright though...I was taken back, because I sat in her car once, and she drove fine to me...but she was able to eat normally and stuff, so I'd think it was something that she acquired since birth...

A bunch of emotions came into my mind. Admiration, because she seemed so normal and is not wallowing in self-pity, seems like a confident person to me. but also pity because she seemed very attractive to me, except for this 1 imperfection...If to put it bluntly, she would be considered disabled. Is it ok to even work in my current company, would it be dangerous for her...but she's based inside the office so it's fine...but for guys to want to date her, superficial ones would probably not want someone like that? Yes, mean thoughts came to me, but this is a cruel world, I'm just stating things the way it is. Then I felt ashamed of myself. I've never given much thought to my limbs that work perfectly fine...my 10 fingers and 10 toes... never had a struggle before. Definitely should appreciate it and am very thankful for what God blessed me.

I've always preached to people about being thankful of what you have. But I guess I always meant it in the sense of material possessions, people that care for you...the physical attractiveness that you have...but not really about fully working limbs...Will need to remind myself constantly not to take things for granted. They are a blessing.

Happy new year 2010 and 'twas 2009

2009 passed by in a breeze, like totally and completely. It was a fruitful year, lots of Facebooking and networking haha. but also i grew so much (other than horizontally) mentally...I'd like to think that I've become a better person, more matured having worked with colleagues from all around the globe...and it ended wonderfully for me too. Just a few things, a recap of the events that happened in 2009... :)

• January - Went to Houston for an induction course, my 1st time in the States. I loved it there, met up with old friends and made new friends too. Tried Tex Mex, and had very good steaks. Oh, fulfilled a long time dream to visit NASA. and Chipotle...and Wal-Mart :)
• March/April - 1st time in UAE also, was in Dubai for a 2 weeks course. Had amazing Lebanese food, again met wonderful people...saw some fancy malls and buildings...but then again, I'm more of a natural scenery type lover, instead of canggih buildings...but still, the trip was great
• the rest of year went by in a breeze, work was depressing at times, and I so badly wanted to work offshore so that I can tick it in my checklist of "things to do"...but the move wasn't too easy but still I guess I persevered? Anyway, working in my previous company, I loved my colleagues. They're such fantastic people and helpful...and I guess I was pretty nice with them also (I'd like to think that I was popular among them haha)
• Yoga - I had the opportunity to take up Yoga again and I loved it. I was busy stalking a cute yoga instructor too. LOL
• July - Rainforest Music Festival...I loved it. A significant *something* happened there which shall remain a secret but anyways, I also got myself a tattoo :) it's a symbol of Aum...
• Definition: The eternal process of birth, life, death and rebirth, and life incarnate. The Aum is the Universal symbol of Creation. Its four parts represent the four stages of consciousness: Awake, sleeping, dreaming, and the transcendental state.
  
  The sacred syllable of creation, the Word that went forth in the beginning and from which all other sounds originated.
  
  Unity between all people, creatures, and things.
  Aum is also the symbol for Yoga :)
  The tribal motives: Hornbill and Dragon, which are protections for Ibans to ward off harm and disease.
• August - Nov: Was really tied up with work and also looking for opportunities to go into technical dept, be it internally or externally. it was too difficult to change inside, so I went with a friend's advice and looked for opportunity outside. Well with my ex-company, I did really well, I think, especially my rapport with my colleagues and even those who are in senior management. I proposed several initiatives for personnel development and one of it was endorsed. So it was good. I even went into Resource, a Malaysian oil and gas magazine where they do a quarterly feature of Women in O&G. I was one out of 3 featured. LOL it made me want to go to the oil rig even much more! At the end of Nov...I quitted.

• It was a month of many events...I had a new job, went to a new place, met new people, and...had a new boyfriend. Yes. :) rather, I got into a relationship. With one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. He's actually my ex-colleague. Sweet, smart, quiet, sensitive and nice. He was my best friend at work. Well, sort-of. "Best Chimui"...mana tau...We just got together mid-Dec...and almost 1 month old now. It won't be easy with a long distance relationship, me being in Labuan and him being in KL...He did come visit during X'mas and stayed till New Year. ^_^ (Oh in case you guys curious, here's a pic)...LOL finally a decent post from me in MONTHS!!! Hope to update more often...
  

I've a feeling that 2010 is going to be a great year, and I'm going to make sure that every year, every day I will treasure each experience gained and to improve myself for the better. It won't be easy with my new job, but insyaAllah... :)

Oklah, time to get back to work...toodles...Happy New Year guys... (sorry typing in hurry haha)