Yep, after working about 15 months in this company...which shall remain unnamed, i have decided to resign on Tuesday...yep going to join a competitor.
I really, honestly loved working in this company, the people were great, but just that it's so difficult to get an internal transfer as what I was seeking for is a technical position. I wouldn't say that I'm a techie person, nor technologically inclined...in fact, my engineering fundamentals should be quite screwed up...hence I want to make it stronger, and then from there, correct the weaknesses and then only move on to marketing and sales positions where I know I can be really good...
I will be starting my new job this weekend, first flying to Abu Dhabi for a 1 week induction course, and then to be based in Labuan. I will be signing up as a Maintenance Engineer. :)
Let's see what it brings...with the hustle bustle of KL city life, I don't have much time left to reflect and do certain things...yes, I admit I was sort of a gym freak...at least yoga freak where I like to go to the gym after work...but I don't even work out THAT often! I happen to just be hanging out a lot at the office...I guess Facebook definitely consumed most of my time...
Writing blogs, keeping journals, keeping in touch with family and friends, study Italian, read more...definitely hope the new job allows me to do more of these...oh and save money of course!
But I would imagine that the new job would be so much more challenging... ;) Am so excited
Friday, November 27, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
The Chronicles of I am so lucky - Part I: The Time When We Used to be Tortured
Today I am feeling very camping-ish. it must've been the chat with Jit Shiong about going camping that ignited my fire! So the time machine shall teleport itself back to...1998...11 years ago. WHAT 11 years has passed since my 1st camp????!!!!! Well it wasn't really my 1st camp per se...but it was the very 1st combined camp I went to in high school.
EYTC with 1st South...i don't even remember what it stands for anymore...T = Training and C = Camp. And I absolutely reminisce those memories with a wide smile and a chuckle or two. Or drinks to splatter all over the table over mamak when laughing about it with the gang. My, those stories could really get the conversation started.
All those memories really made all of us active Girl Guides and Scouts grow so much... Traplex with 7th South...CTC with 8th South...and Talents Camp with 11th South (haha CLHS Scouts please correct me if I'm wrong)...
Let’s see...
1) countless patrol meetings that make “mak beh jin kia” (mom cant recognize child) and “kia beh jin mak” (child cant recognize mom)...not to mention being chased out of homes...and i can certainly name a few more friends that had the same thing happening to them... this tested our endurance which is so important in this cruel working world where shit is being dumped at us everyday but hey we ex-Guides and Scouts say what????? Say what???? Nothing. We just eat all of them, endure and plot our secret little revenge in dark.
2) drilling under the sun for hours practicing formations and fancy drilling steps...kirip kirip kirip kanan kirip...in those times we’ve tried so many types of fancy drillings...with gloves, prancing about, dancing ones, skipping ones...which all required concentration, synchronization and of course teamwork and cooperation among team members
3) Items...practicing dances and sketches...my personal favourite has to be 60s dance and Egyptian dance...the hours we’d put in, and making our own costumes too. This of course promoted teamwork, creativity and the silly sketches we make to move and touch the hearts of our “evaluators”...enhanced our shamelessness/thick skinned faces which serve us very well till now especially in this world where we must be thick skinned to survive
4) Chopping stupid bamboos till our hands shook like senile old people afterwards. Not to mention tying those gadgets – houses la, shoe racks la, tents la, bridges to have fatso excos stomp them down just to prove their point that “YOU CAN NEVER DO ENOUGH”. So you get the shit you get today, your boss throwing the bunch of paperwork to u and ask you to get those redone!!!! Back in those days...yeah whoever said that you can rest....you get to spend the rest of the camping days retying those gadgets middle of the night and falling asleep while tying them (hah – sorry lah i’m a Guide, not a Scout...you Scouts would know what i’m talking about)
5) Since we spent so much time doing logbooks, paperwork for camp preparations, till all the patrol members look identical... neways it means spending time together wont be fun if we don’t talk right...so of course we spend it cracking disgusting, dirty silly jokes, sharing laughter and tears if your ideas gets torn apart by the excos – it really made our bonds so strong, which i treasure till now. We’d encourage each other and keep feeling positive for the sake of your patrol members...It’s hard to forget THOSE friends...especially those who pee on you if you got sting by a jelly fish while swimming in the sea (Ahem you know who you are!!!! The pee-er and the pee-ee hahahahaha)
6) The silly songs that we made up and all in cryptic codes so that certain patrol members that we dislike wouldn’t know who and what we were singing about...while digging up sand by the drain...and picking worms and whatnot.... hahahaha
7) Looking like hionghamuis aka village girls to buy stationeries and accessories for our camping stuff. We were so tanned and dirty from all those walking, drilling, dancing, planning...not to mention midnight adventures to celebrate patrol member’s birthdays...Hello!!! We were a bunch of 13-15 year olds...in those times we don’t have such canggih things yet...i’m not sure if we even had mamak then or not...but i think got lah... that tested our bravery because midnight adventures just weren’t our thang :P
8) Drooling over the cute guy in the next patrol!!!! Its unfortunate that i’ve never wound up with cute guys in my patrol (hahaha just joking-lah) but i remember those times when me, Lin, Janice would go crazy over Mr.BS – Broad Shouldered....our knees would go wobbly...
Ahhhh those times...time to go to sleep... to be continued....but i know that there are so many of you that agree (since 80% of the ppl i know back in high school were actually scouts/guides)...and I'm sure all of you have your very own unforgettable moments with your patrols :)
EYTC with 1st South...i don't even remember what it stands for anymore...T = Training and C = Camp. And I absolutely reminisce those memories with a wide smile and a chuckle or two. Or drinks to splatter all over the table over mamak when laughing about it with the gang. My, those stories could really get the conversation started.
All those memories really made all of us active Girl Guides and Scouts grow so much... Traplex with 7th South...CTC with 8th South...and Talents Camp with 11th South (haha CLHS Scouts please correct me if I'm wrong)...
Let’s see...
1) countless patrol meetings that make “mak beh jin kia” (mom cant recognize child) and “kia beh jin mak” (child cant recognize mom)...not to mention being chased out of homes...and i can certainly name a few more friends that had the same thing happening to them... this tested our endurance which is so important in this cruel working world where shit is being dumped at us everyday but hey we ex-Guides and Scouts say what????? Say what???? Nothing. We just eat all of them, endure and plot our secret little revenge in dark.
2) drilling under the sun for hours practicing formations and fancy drilling steps...kirip kirip kirip kanan kirip...in those times we’ve tried so many types of fancy drillings...with gloves, prancing about, dancing ones, skipping ones...which all required concentration, synchronization and of course teamwork and cooperation among team members
3) Items...practicing dances and sketches...my personal favourite has to be 60s dance and Egyptian dance...the hours we’d put in, and making our own costumes too. This of course promoted teamwork, creativity and the silly sketches we make to move and touch the hearts of our “evaluators”...enhanced our shamelessness/thick skinned faces which serve us very well till now especially in this world where we must be thick skinned to survive
4) Chopping stupid bamboos till our hands shook like senile old people afterwards. Not to mention tying those gadgets – houses la, shoe racks la, tents la, bridges to have fatso excos stomp them down just to prove their point that “YOU CAN NEVER DO ENOUGH”. So you get the shit you get today, your boss throwing the bunch of paperwork to u and ask you to get those redone!!!! Back in those days...yeah whoever said that you can rest....you get to spend the rest of the camping days retying those gadgets middle of the night and falling asleep while tying them (hah – sorry lah i’m a Guide, not a Scout...you Scouts would know what i’m talking about)
5) Since we spent so much time doing logbooks, paperwork for camp preparations, till all the patrol members look identical... neways it means spending time together wont be fun if we don’t talk right...so of course we spend it cracking disgusting, dirty silly jokes, sharing laughter and tears if your ideas gets torn apart by the excos – it really made our bonds so strong, which i treasure till now. We’d encourage each other and keep feeling positive for the sake of your patrol members...It’s hard to forget THOSE friends...especially those who pee on you if you got sting by a jelly fish while swimming in the sea (Ahem you know who you are!!!! The pee-er and the pee-ee hahahahaha)
6) The silly songs that we made up and all in cryptic codes so that certain patrol members that we dislike wouldn’t know who and what we were singing about...while digging up sand by the drain...and picking worms and whatnot.... hahahaha
7) Looking like hionghamuis aka village girls to buy stationeries and accessories for our camping stuff. We were so tanned and dirty from all those walking, drilling, dancing, planning...not to mention midnight adventures to celebrate patrol member’s birthdays...Hello!!! We were a bunch of 13-15 year olds...in those times we don’t have such canggih things yet...i’m not sure if we even had mamak then or not...but i think got lah... that tested our bravery because midnight adventures just weren’t our thang :P
8) Drooling over the cute guy in the next patrol!!!! Its unfortunate that i’ve never wound up with cute guys in my patrol (hahaha just joking-lah) but i remember those times when me, Lin, Janice would go crazy over Mr.BS – Broad Shouldered....our knees would go wobbly...
Ahhhh those times...time to go to sleep... to be continued....but i know that there are so many of you that agree (since 80% of the ppl i know back in high school were actually scouts/guides)...and I'm sure all of you have your very own unforgettable moments with your patrols :)
Monday, July 20, 2009
The Happiest Fairy Tale Ever
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'
The girl said, 'NO!'
And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, drank whole bottles of wine, chatted for hours on the phone to friends, always had a clean house, watched chick flicks without feeling guilty, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, didn't have to pay for dual view tv, travelled more, had a career, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched sports, owned every remote control in the house, never wore friggin lacy lingerie that went up her arse, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, and felt and looked fabulous all the time.
THE END
The girl said, 'NO!'
And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, drank whole bottles of wine, chatted for hours on the phone to friends, always had a clean house, watched chick flicks without feeling guilty, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, didn't have to pay for dual view tv, travelled more, had a career, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched sports, owned every remote control in the house, never wore friggin lacy lingerie that went up her arse, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, and felt and looked fabulous all the time.
THE END
Monday, June 29, 2009
aiyaya
just now i curi tulanged to go breakfast and was walking with a colleague towards the makan place... and an indian guy was on a bike riding past us
he immediately slowed down and showed me a thumbs up finger and said stuff like "i've never seen a better ass on a Chinese girl" or something like that @#%#$^# ??????? then he made shape of the bosom very cun also or something la...and while riding for the next 100 meters he just kept his eyes on us...
then you know what the guy just stopped by the roadside when we passed by just to 'pay his compliments' again and kept showing thumbs up sign...but at least he wasn't tailing us that's like so freaky...he then said "byebye" and left...
i dont mind if a guy appreciates la...but until so blatant and hamsap...well then again, i may be biased because he was on a bike, if he had been on a Merc or something maybe I would feel flattered right? well, life...why can't a man on a sportscar pay attention or something? hahahaha. but i still feel 'violated' and 'harassed' la
which comes to the question...my gym sessions must be showing some results then??? :P
he immediately slowed down and showed me a thumbs up finger and said stuff like "i've never seen a better ass on a Chinese girl" or something like that @#%#$^# ??????? then he made shape of the bosom very cun also or something la...and while riding for the next 100 meters he just kept his eyes on us...
then you know what the guy just stopped by the roadside when we passed by just to 'pay his compliments' again and kept showing thumbs up sign...but at least he wasn't tailing us that's like so freaky...he then said "byebye" and left...
i dont mind if a guy appreciates la...but until so blatant and hamsap...well then again, i may be biased because he was on a bike, if he had been on a Merc or something maybe I would feel flattered right? well, life...why can't a man on a sportscar pay attention or something? hahahaha. but i still feel 'violated' and 'harassed' la
which comes to the question...my gym sessions must be showing some results then??? :P
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Just to say hi
cos these few weeks quite busy at work...facebook still blocked at work...
updates:
1) the rumour/gossip with my colleague is gone (great!)
2) might possibly switch to a new position in the company (but nothing firm yet, the soonest will be August I believe)
3) need more money!
be back soon :) toodles.
updates:
1) the rumour/gossip with my colleague is gone (great!)
2) might possibly switch to a new position in the company (but nothing firm yet, the soonest will be August I believe)
3) need more money!
be back soon :) toodles.
Monday, June 08, 2009
did a little spring cleaning on my blog
checking up on my blogroll, apparently i'm not the only one who hasn't been blogging...so if your name is no longer on my blogroll, it means you have not updated for about a year!!! but if your name is still there, it means i have hopes that you would update :)
had a good weekend...managed to catch up with 3 lovely penang chicks - pao, ping, heng...we went to this nuffnang thing? however, i do realize that i am too old to be involved in these kinda activities nemore. :( screaming my lungs out seeing kennysia is just so not....me.
Friday i went for karaoke with 2 other colleagues cos we didn't have to work. whoa. RM5++ inclusive of salad buffet and screaming our lungs out? thats sweet...and sunday (i just discovered that my aunt has the best karaoke system at her house) i got to polish a little bit more of my singing (or the lack of it skills) :) :)
and finally managed to set up my hookah/nargila/shisha which i bought in Dubai (that's like 2 months ago). at a garden setting sumore. topped with an amazing yoga session the day before. i'd say that life is pretty good.
sometimes the simple things that comes easily in life is hard to beat.
am i being incoherent? :) *hardly. remember the previous post to which i mentioned a colleague getting a divorce? apparently now part of a rumor - that we have an affair...i'm like the manipulative mistress that is going after him for his money...and now that he's getting a divorce, i'm supposedly very happy about it...???? what the $@^#%&?
just because he speaks to me often (and yes, he does find me attractive but he finds about 100 others attractive too) and we've had several breakfasts together makes me a mistress. i wonder if i'm any good in bed. i must be, since i'm a mistress. you think it's easy to become a mat salleh's mistress ah? need to be super attractive too. i should feel flattered. i kinda found out the source of the gossip - so i'm not so agitated like i was last week. because initially i thought i was 'betrayed' by the colleagues i work closely with...but it turns out (probably) to be from another division which i dont know anyone...so its ok ... treat as free publicity loh...
had a good weekend...managed to catch up with 3 lovely penang chicks - pao, ping, heng...we went to this nuffnang thing? however, i do realize that i am too old to be involved in these kinda activities nemore. :( screaming my lungs out seeing kennysia is just so not....me.
Friday i went for karaoke with 2 other colleagues cos we didn't have to work. whoa. RM5++ inclusive of salad buffet and screaming our lungs out? thats sweet...and sunday (i just discovered that my aunt has the best karaoke system at her house) i got to polish a little bit more of my singing (or the lack of it skills) :) :)
and finally managed to set up my hookah/nargila/shisha which i bought in Dubai (that's like 2 months ago). at a garden setting sumore. topped with an amazing yoga session the day before. i'd say that life is pretty good.
sometimes the simple things that comes easily in life is hard to beat.
am i being incoherent? :) *hardly. remember the previous post to which i mentioned a colleague getting a divorce? apparently now part of a rumor - that we have an affair...i'm like the manipulative mistress that is going after him for his money...and now that he's getting a divorce, i'm supposedly very happy about it...???? what the $@^#%&?
just because he speaks to me often (and yes, he does find me attractive but he finds about 100 others attractive too) and we've had several breakfasts together makes me a mistress. i wonder if i'm any good in bed. i must be, since i'm a mistress. you think it's easy to become a mat salleh's mistress ah? need to be super attractive too. i should feel flattered. i kinda found out the source of the gossip - so i'm not so agitated like i was last week. because initially i thought i was 'betrayed' by the colleagues i work closely with...but it turns out (probably) to be from another division which i dont know anyone...so its ok ... treat as free publicity loh...
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
time to pick up blogging again
i guess eventually one would get sick of "refreshing" his/her facebook page. i've plenty of photos to upload, from US, Dubai and my European stint but just not in the mood. maybe because i looked fat in them. haha.
neways blogging again is a good thing. it doesn't take a long time to type in a sentence or two, just to share some thoughts...usually i procrastinate and in the end i dont remember what i want to share anymore...
a colleague is dealing with a divorce now - which is really tough. but in a way, he was looking for trouble cos he cheated on his wife. not once. but i'd say a few times already. he's an expat so getting a divorce can be really messy and expensive. and he has 2 kids. really tough. but then again, he really really wants to be single. so do you think he should have stuck by his wife for the kids? his wife is really amazing and his reason was that he married too young (at 22 years old) hmmm. i would have been one of his scandals had i not have so many "scruples". since i'm so kampung and all, of course getting involved with a married man is out of the question. however good looking the guy is!
i wouldn't mind dating a divorcé though. since i'm not "THAT" young anymore. all the good guys are already taken. all the the even better guys...i dont deserve. well i dont know what i want. who knows. slowly search lor. i think dad wants me to get settled down adi, but at the same time he doesnt want me to find anyone. hahaha. back to the divorcé... i'm not that generous though...if he's in his 30s and all...and STILL without children...i'd do so...but with kids (who are staying with him) that will be though, since i can't cook, nor iron, nor do any stitching. wait, i don't even know how to clean properly.
well at the moment, who needs love anyways - time to concentrate on going to the gym. :)
Oh, and also on work of course...
and i think i will change a job very soon...
neways blogging again is a good thing. it doesn't take a long time to type in a sentence or two, just to share some thoughts...usually i procrastinate and in the end i dont remember what i want to share anymore...
a colleague is dealing with a divorce now - which is really tough. but in a way, he was looking for trouble cos he cheated on his wife. not once. but i'd say a few times already. he's an expat so getting a divorce can be really messy and expensive. and he has 2 kids. really tough. but then again, he really really wants to be single. so do you think he should have stuck by his wife for the kids? his wife is really amazing and his reason was that he married too young (at 22 years old) hmmm. i would have been one of his scandals had i not have so many "scruples". since i'm so kampung and all, of course getting involved with a married man is out of the question. however good looking the guy is!
i wouldn't mind dating a divorcé though. since i'm not "THAT" young anymore. all the good guys are already taken. all the the even better guys...i dont deserve. well i dont know what i want. who knows. slowly search lor. i think dad wants me to get settled down adi, but at the same time he doesnt want me to find anyone. hahaha. back to the divorcé... i'm not that generous though...if he's in his 30s and all...and STILL without children...i'd do so...but with kids (who are staying with him) that will be though, since i can't cook, nor iron, nor do any stitching. wait, i don't even know how to clean properly.
well at the moment, who needs love anyways - time to concentrate on going to the gym. :)
Oh, and also on work of course...
and i think i will change a job very soon...
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Quote of the day
to have wanted to cheat but not successfully and to have successfully cheated...its the same thing.
Just because you failed in your attempt; it doesn't make you a loyal partner.
Just because you failed in your attempt; it doesn't make you a loyal partner.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
hehe False Alarm lah
so no Love is in the air no nothing at all
now a bit confused myself also.
to be confirmed in these few weeks.
hahaha.
now a bit confused myself also.
to be confirmed in these few weeks.
hahaha.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
i know i know
it's been an awfully awfully awfully long time since i've last updated.
blame Facebook.
and i've also not been reading blogs for god knows how many donkey years already.
been busy with work...as you all know, I was away for courses in Houston and Dubai. no worries...no more trip for me at the moment (boo hoo hoo) people are starting to think that i'm always at training hahaha. work's good. company laying off people and major re-org but still good. :) now i can safely being laid off happily since i've earned trips to Houston and Dubai. haha.
on another note...love may be in the air for me *grins. who knows. am seeing someone on and off now. but he seems like a nice guy.
to be updated soon. huhuhu. (i bet someone at home, namely dear Papa is very curious at the moment. hahaha cos he's the only that checks out this page everyday anyways haha to keep tab on his faraway daughter)
blame Facebook.
and i've also not been reading blogs for god knows how many donkey years already.
been busy with work...as you all know, I was away for courses in Houston and Dubai. no worries...no more trip for me at the moment (boo hoo hoo) people are starting to think that i'm always at training hahaha. work's good. company laying off people and major re-org but still good. :) now i can safely being laid off happily since i've earned trips to Houston and Dubai. haha.
on another note...love may be in the air for me *grins. who knows. am seeing someone on and off now. but he seems like a nice guy.
to be updated soon. huhuhu. (i bet someone at home, namely dear Papa is very curious at the moment. hahaha cos he's the only that checks out this page everyday anyways haha to keep tab on his faraway daughter)
Sunday, February 22, 2009
My past 2 years, now and future
the past two years, including this year...has been really exciting and made me open up to many things. I could say that I was travelling so much! it made me less narrow-minded, i became more sociable, there were more topics that i could talk about, i learnt a new language, met lots of wonderful people, even picked up cooking!!!! (embroidery not yet lar)
i graduated in August 2007, my 1st job was as an Aircraft Design Engineer, there I met wonderful colleagues, even though the working environment was super stressful. working from 9am-9pm everyday, my dark circles became so bad, it became a super default feature, my hair lost its lustre, i was permanently depressed, i became fatter...skin was so awful. but there my technical knowledge increased 100-fold...i was happy to discover that i wasn't THAT dumb. Thanks to Dhinnesh, Chong Seng, Chun Kiat, Guztyne, Zharif, Peter, David, Jafar for helping me out when I had difficulties! ;) of course my aeronautical knowledge came mostly from my coursemates too! - Poli, Cmin, Vun, Kwang, Hah, Furfur, Lili, Chanling, Gheeming, Kok, Vibrate, GS, Hao, KWui, David, JJ, Lun, WenJie, ZY...
After that I had to make one of the most difficult decision in life - to join the sponsor for my undergraduate studies (Petronas) in one of the most coveted divisions...everyone who works with Petronas would love to join that decision, so I was extremely lucky... or to pursue my lifelong dream, to go to Italy with a scholarship from the Italian Embassy. Also, I had to resign from the aircraft design company (which i didn't regret)... in the end i chose to go to Italy, which ended up with my having to pay back Petronas...till now I still wondered how my career would be if I'd joined Petronas...
But going to Italy was the best decision I ever made! (I had doubts when I was there, at times...sometimes I was just really idle there, I tot I could be carving my career instead in Petronas rather than thinking of what vege/meat to buy for the day and to cook what for lunch and dinner...)
the 9 months in Italy was amazing! With the sponsorship from the Italian Embassy, I decided to take up Italian Language and Culture in Perugia (universita' per stranieri di perugia). Although I took elementary Italian course when I was in Uni, but by the time I went to Italy (15th Oct 2007) I was left with 3 words "Grazie, Ciao, Prego"... =( It was the period of my many firsts...
1st time I lugged 4-5 bags with me which weighted more than 40 kgs... 1st time I went to Europe, 1st time talking and being so uninhibited with strangers, 1st time hopping on to a total stranger's car, 1st time sleeping at a total stranger's house, 1st time backpacking alone, 1st time staying in a hostel, 1st time cooking a relatively edible meal, 1st time making tiramisu, 1st italian kiss ;), 1st time having strangers approaching u on the streets, 1st time having a crush on a guy who was 6 years younger than me and 1st time seeing so many cathedrals etc.
I met many wonderful people along the way, especially when I first arrived at Rome's train station, a Malaysian-Japanese lady Junko-san who helped me bring my luggage bags onto the train...she still calls me from time to time. and the 1st night I arrived at Perugia, I was desperate and didn't speak a word of Italian, a Chinese couple accepted me to let me stay for the night. After that there was also Simone, an Italian who gave me a ride from the train station to Roma Ciampino airport (I was adamant not to pay RM100 for a 5 minute ride to the airport!)...
Then the wonderful housemates I had (Nadia, Dora, Milena, Claudia, Zhao Zheyi, Liu Jia), who took the pain to correct my Italian, listen to my stories and taught me to cook! oh and the honorary housemate Francesco!
The wonderful classmates I had - from A2, B1, B2 an C1...there are too many to mention...but some which I still keep in touch with - Loick, Jordan, Domenico, Jiji, Lili, Hussam, Emad, Raghad, Shereen, Alejandro, Angelo, Kasia, Katrina, Michelle, Valeria, Kostantinos, Solmaz, Mehrnaz, Chieko, Chiemi, Kae and more... love all of you loads ;) The different nationalities - Colombia, Mexico, Iran, Sweden, Poland, Philippines, Japan, Ecuador, Israel (I never thought the day would come), Korea etc... Thanks to all for putting up with me, and Domenico who had to suffer eating my kimchi, Kostantinos who sometimes had to eat the food I cook. lol. Of course Mariana who was my yoga partner, traveling partner, shopping partner and a very good listening companion.
Then I had to come back - end of June 2008, at first I wanted to postpone the trip because I wanted to stay a litle bit longer - cos I was reluctant to leave 'someone'...but also because there were still so many things to see - I wanted to visit Athens and Milan...but I didn't have the chance... In the 9 mths I visited many parts of Italy and some parts of Europe:
Italy - Sardegna, Assisi, Capri, Firenze (Florence), Gubbio, Napoli (Naples), Vaticano (Vatican City), Pisa, Pompei, Rome, Sicilia (Sicily), Sorrento and Venezia (Venice)
Republic of San Marino
UK - Liverpool (yes I paid homage to my favourite football team!!! It was great!~)
France - Paris
Germany - Berlin
Spain - Barcelona
I would think that I did pretty well in the 9 months right ;)
But it was all fate - I didn't get to postpone my flight so I came back to Malaysia as scheduled - 30th June. It was pretty funny looking back on how I struggled to bring back all my presents and stuff I got from Italy. After fighting with the flight crew etc, I finally managed to check in 34kgs of stuff and bring like 4 hand carry luggages (Yes being Asian helped too, cos I just pretended not to speak English and Italian at the check-in gate) hahaha. On my flight - I met another person who helped me get to where I am today...the guy who forwarded my resume to his colleague and got me my current job - You know who you are! I thought I gave a horrible impression cos I had so many hand-carries and I banged my head in front of him!
Coming back, I'm in my current company - a great place. An oilfield service provider...great colleagues (except one - hahaha)...you know who lar. But what doesn't kill you will make you stronger, so I've now decided to tolerate and make the best out of it. I had the opportunity to go Houston for a training program - a great great program and it does make me a much improved person, I'm now more knowledgable of the oil and gas industry already! I'm hyped up to improve my work attitude, being punctual to work and also to be more knowledge thirsty... ;) Am really excited about my career ahead (As long as I don't get affected by the current economic crisis)...*crosses fingers - ;)
Also seeing my friends getting married - Shanna, Guztyne, Soon, and just now Teng. Congrats to all of you ;) wish you loads of happiness ahead, I hope that your marriage will everlast and many many children... I had the opportunity to attend Guztyne wedding in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah and Soon's in Kuching, Sarawak...
Ahhh I'd say that life's been good - Next month I'm heading to Dubai for a training school ;) yes, in the pursuit of my career success... Never to give up, do whatever you are doing now really well, and be optimistic. I've slept in airports, been out in the freezing cold, been 40 hours without sleep, eating biscuit for meals...I'm sure life could only get better ;) If not, I still have a loving family and great friends to support - I must thank the HPC gals for always being there- Jo ooi, Pao, Loke, Heng, Lin, Loh Jo, and Chun (whom I rarely hear from)...i think i got them all lol... then girls from LL House - RinRin (oh yeah, congrats upon your wedding!), CSY, PTC, Furfur, Meiyin, SPY, LT...also the rest of course: Justine, Charng, Li Yuin, Irene, Siew, Janice, Ai Leen, Wun...wah basically most of the Georgians right?
Wow I think I've said enough - suddenly all the creative juices starting to flow... well although my love life has been pretty pathetic, but I'm sure things will get better (once I lose all the fats right? ;)) alright - now you guys have read my 1500 words on my essay of "My past 2 years, now and the future"... hugz! Maybe next time I'll spill a little on my love status - lol
i graduated in August 2007, my 1st job was as an Aircraft Design Engineer, there I met wonderful colleagues, even though the working environment was super stressful. working from 9am-9pm everyday, my dark circles became so bad, it became a super default feature, my hair lost its lustre, i was permanently depressed, i became fatter...skin was so awful. but there my technical knowledge increased 100-fold...i was happy to discover that i wasn't THAT dumb. Thanks to Dhinnesh, Chong Seng, Chun Kiat, Guztyne, Zharif, Peter, David, Jafar for helping me out when I had difficulties! ;) of course my aeronautical knowledge came mostly from my coursemates too! - Poli, Cmin, Vun, Kwang, Hah, Furfur, Lili, Chanling, Gheeming, Kok, Vibrate, GS, Hao, KWui, David, JJ, Lun, WenJie, ZY...
After that I had to make one of the most difficult decision in life - to join the sponsor for my undergraduate studies (Petronas) in one of the most coveted divisions...everyone who works with Petronas would love to join that decision, so I was extremely lucky... or to pursue my lifelong dream, to go to Italy with a scholarship from the Italian Embassy. Also, I had to resign from the aircraft design company (which i didn't regret)... in the end i chose to go to Italy, which ended up with my having to pay back Petronas...till now I still wondered how my career would be if I'd joined Petronas...
But going to Italy was the best decision I ever made! (I had doubts when I was there, at times...sometimes I was just really idle there, I tot I could be carving my career instead in Petronas rather than thinking of what vege/meat to buy for the day and to cook what for lunch and dinner...)
the 9 months in Italy was amazing! With the sponsorship from the Italian Embassy, I decided to take up Italian Language and Culture in Perugia (universita' per stranieri di perugia). Although I took elementary Italian course when I was in Uni, but by the time I went to Italy (15th Oct 2007) I was left with 3 words "Grazie, Ciao, Prego"... =( It was the period of my many firsts...
1st time I lugged 4-5 bags with me which weighted more than 40 kgs... 1st time I went to Europe, 1st time talking and being so uninhibited with strangers, 1st time hopping on to a total stranger's car, 1st time sleeping at a total stranger's house, 1st time backpacking alone, 1st time staying in a hostel, 1st time cooking a relatively edible meal, 1st time making tiramisu, 1st italian kiss ;), 1st time having strangers approaching u on the streets, 1st time having a crush on a guy who was 6 years younger than me and 1st time seeing so many cathedrals etc.
I met many wonderful people along the way, especially when I first arrived at Rome's train station, a Malaysian-Japanese lady Junko-san who helped me bring my luggage bags onto the train...she still calls me from time to time. and the 1st night I arrived at Perugia, I was desperate and didn't speak a word of Italian, a Chinese couple accepted me to let me stay for the night. After that there was also Simone, an Italian who gave me a ride from the train station to Roma Ciampino airport (I was adamant not to pay RM100 for a 5 minute ride to the airport!)...
Then the wonderful housemates I had (Nadia, Dora, Milena, Claudia, Zhao Zheyi, Liu Jia), who took the pain to correct my Italian, listen to my stories and taught me to cook! oh and the honorary housemate Francesco!
The wonderful classmates I had - from A2, B1, B2 an C1...there are too many to mention...but some which I still keep in touch with - Loick, Jordan, Domenico, Jiji, Lili, Hussam, Emad, Raghad, Shereen, Alejandro, Angelo, Kasia, Katrina, Michelle, Valeria, Kostantinos, Solmaz, Mehrnaz, Chieko, Chiemi, Kae and more... love all of you loads ;) The different nationalities - Colombia, Mexico, Iran, Sweden, Poland, Philippines, Japan, Ecuador, Israel (I never thought the day would come), Korea etc... Thanks to all for putting up with me, and Domenico who had to suffer eating my kimchi, Kostantinos who sometimes had to eat the food I cook. lol. Of course Mariana who was my yoga partner, traveling partner, shopping partner and a very good listening companion.
Then I had to come back - end of June 2008, at first I wanted to postpone the trip because I wanted to stay a litle bit longer - cos I was reluctant to leave 'someone'...but also because there were still so many things to see - I wanted to visit Athens and Milan...but I didn't have the chance... In the 9 mths I visited many parts of Italy and some parts of Europe:
Italy - Sardegna, Assisi, Capri, Firenze (Florence), Gubbio, Napoli (Naples), Vaticano (Vatican City), Pisa, Pompei, Rome, Sicilia (Sicily), Sorrento and Venezia (Venice)
Republic of San Marino
UK - Liverpool (yes I paid homage to my favourite football team!!! It was great!~)
France - Paris
Germany - Berlin
Spain - Barcelona
I would think that I did pretty well in the 9 months right ;)
But it was all fate - I didn't get to postpone my flight so I came back to Malaysia as scheduled - 30th June. It was pretty funny looking back on how I struggled to bring back all my presents and stuff I got from Italy. After fighting with the flight crew etc, I finally managed to check in 34kgs of stuff and bring like 4 hand carry luggages (Yes being Asian helped too, cos I just pretended not to speak English and Italian at the check-in gate) hahaha. On my flight - I met another person who helped me get to where I am today...the guy who forwarded my resume to his colleague and got me my current job - You know who you are! I thought I gave a horrible impression cos I had so many hand-carries and I banged my head in front of him!
Coming back, I'm in my current company - a great place. An oilfield service provider...great colleagues (except one - hahaha)...you know who lar. But what doesn't kill you will make you stronger, so I've now decided to tolerate and make the best out of it. I had the opportunity to go Houston for a training program - a great great program and it does make me a much improved person, I'm now more knowledgable of the oil and gas industry already! I'm hyped up to improve my work attitude, being punctual to work and also to be more knowledge thirsty... ;) Am really excited about my career ahead (As long as I don't get affected by the current economic crisis)...*crosses fingers - ;)
Also seeing my friends getting married - Shanna, Guztyne, Soon, and just now Teng. Congrats to all of you ;) wish you loads of happiness ahead, I hope that your marriage will everlast and many many children... I had the opportunity to attend Guztyne wedding in Kota Kinabalu, Sabah and Soon's in Kuching, Sarawak...
Ahhh I'd say that life's been good - Next month I'm heading to Dubai for a training school ;) yes, in the pursuit of my career success... Never to give up, do whatever you are doing now really well, and be optimistic. I've slept in airports, been out in the freezing cold, been 40 hours without sleep, eating biscuit for meals...I'm sure life could only get better ;) If not, I still have a loving family and great friends to support - I must thank the HPC gals for always being there- Jo ooi, Pao, Loke, Heng, Lin, Loh Jo, and Chun (whom I rarely hear from)...i think i got them all lol... then girls from LL House - RinRin (oh yeah, congrats upon your wedding!), CSY, PTC, Furfur, Meiyin, SPY, LT...also the rest of course: Justine, Charng, Li Yuin, Irene, Siew, Janice, Ai Leen, Wun...wah basically most of the Georgians right?
Wow I think I've said enough - suddenly all the creative juices starting to flow... well although my love life has been pretty pathetic, but I'm sure things will get better (once I lose all the fats right? ;)) alright - now you guys have read my 1500 words on my essay of "My past 2 years, now and the future"... hugz! Maybe next time I'll spill a little on my love status - lol
Monday, January 19, 2009
2nd weekend in Houston...
I've never been fanciful of designer stuff...but this time... ;) 1st time I've splurged...
...And big time too!!! Am thinking if I should return any of these purchases...hmm...2 more weeks to think before I head back to Malaysia ;) nice or not nice or not? Got them yesterday, thanks to Irene, Melvin and his bro's advice...I'll be blogging about what I've done up to now in Houston as soon as I get the chance...but so far so good, other than bankrap giler hehehe
...And big time too!!! Am thinking if I should return any of these purchases...hmm...2 more weeks to think before I head back to Malaysia ;) nice or not nice or not? Got them yesterday, thanks to Irene, Melvin and his bro's advice...I'll be blogging about what I've done up to now in Houston as soon as I get the chance...but so far so good, other than bankrap giler hehehe
Monday, January 05, 2009
Happy New Year 2009, a new beginning
Obviously for someone who's so small gas and berdendam like me, last week i kena sound by my manager due to some expenses thing which i've wrongly put to company's expenses - no thanks to my nemesis who said i could - so now i've to pay my own flight back from KL - Pg (RM375 melayang!!!! one way sumore) ok ok you may say use common sense also know company kenot pay you for that but i just tried my luck cos i booked my ticket from KL- Houston - KL then terus KL- Penang. my nemesis said "can can, sure" and I asked 3 times. so i very TL last week. but now think think, he was trying to help. he also kena screw by the manager alongside with me, just that i am the one paying so i TL a bit lah. haha. but...this year i must change yahs!!!
I will be flying to Houston Sat 10th Jan 0210 hours so means Friday night have to leave for the airport adi lo...will be there till 31st Jan...missing CNY - never mind lah hor...after that I will be on leave 1 whole week to see who will be around at home to teman me play mahjong. hahaha.
about forgiving - let me share this story with you: (I was a little bit less bitter about my nemesis after that, and today i even made extra effort to get along with him - hehe) this article isn't about forgiving by the way--- but a good way to start the new year!!! in the material chasing world, we tend to forget how to be simple and happy -
In the town of Hanipoli, there were two rabbis. One, of course, was Reb Zusya, the legendary Chassidic master. The other was the rabbi of the town, who happened to be a great opponent of the Chassidic movement.
Reb Zusya was beloved by all for his sweet disposition and cheerful outlook, which he maintained despite the harsh poverty he lived in. The rabbi, however, was not so popular with the townspeople.
Although he was a man of great learning, inside this rabbi was an angry and bitter man. None of the honors bestowed on him or the marks of respect he received was ever enough for him. He always, in his heart, found some reason for complaint. And since misery loves company, once the rabbi found one complaint, he soon found another one, and then another, until he was so boiling with rage because of some perceived insult to his honor that he was ready to explode.
The rabbi of course was no boor. He knew with his intellect that the Torah condemns angry behavior in no uncertain terms. However, as soon as his heart began to ponder his unhappy state - where a man of such erudition and refined sensibilities was so unappreciated in the world - strong feelings of anger overpowered him once more.
On this cold, winter night, as he sat by the warm fire in his comfortably furnished study, the rabbi was again drifting into those dangerous, bitter waters. His thoughts returned to a wedding he had attended the week before.
The father of the bride, Reb Moshe, was a wealthy philanthropist. The entire town had been invited to join in the family's simcha (happy occasion), and no expense had been spared to celebrate the occasion. As the rabbi of the town, the rabbi, of course, expected that he would receive treatment befitting his position. Yet during that miserable evening, he had received nothing but insults.
No place at the table had been reserved for him. No food was served to him - unless you call a few picked over scraps of chicken and vegetables that no one else wanted food. But to top it all, when it came time to say the Grace After Meals, no one invited him to recite one of the special sheva brachos (seven blessings) said at a wedding.
Instead, who was given the place of honor at the wedding? Reb Zushya, that's who!
Was it any wonder that he had left the celebration in a total state of rage? How much humiliation was one man expected to endure?
His thoughts returned to the "scene of the crime" again and again, and now his mind's eye became fixed on the beaming face of Reb Zushya, who had sat through the entire event in a state of rapturous bliss.
The rabbi saw once more Reb Zusya, attired in his tattered clothes, sitting at the head table. There was Reb Zusya, who barely had a tooth in his mouth, enjoying a plate piled high with delicious foods. And when the meal was over, who was given the honor of leading the Grace After Meals? Again, Reb Zusya.
Suddenly, a log on the fire crackled and sent a burst of sparks shooting into the air. One of the sparks fell on to the rabbi's hand, and the sharp twinge of pain roused him from his thoughts.
"Even the fire is angry tonight," the rabbi muttered to himself.
The rabbi gazed at the fire, and then he looked at the small red mark on his hand.
"My flames of fires burn," he said with sadness. "Reb Zusya also has a fire within him, yet his fire doesn't burn. It warms. What's his secret?"
What's his secret? The rabbi's thoughts now became fixated on this question. Why is Reb Zusya always so happy? Why does his face always glow with goodwill? What's his secret?
As the rabbi pondered the mystery, a strange thing happened. His anger began to disappear, and an intense curiosity now took its place. Even though the hour was late and the night was bitterly cold, the rabbi had to have an answer to his question.
Normally, as rabbi of the town and a vocal opponent of the Chassidim, he would never dream of visiting one of the "sect" at his home, let alone asking one of them for advice. But tonight he was willing to put his honor - and his opposition - aside. True, he did bundle himself up in his coat and hat and scarf so that it was practically impossible to recognize him. But even this fear of being detected wasn't strong enough to stop him from determinedly trudging his way through the snow-covered streets.
Finally, the rabbi arrived at the broken-down hovel that Reb Zusya called home, and Reb Zusya invited the rabbi to come in. Despite Reb Zusya's warm welcome, the rabbi shivered even more when he stepped inside and saw the dreary, damp-stained walls, the broken furniture and the empty fireplace. He therefore lost no time in coming straight to the point.
"How is it that you are always so happy and content," the rabbi asked, "while I am always bitter and depressed?"
"It's no great secret," Reb Zusya replied, "but the reason is easier to explain by example, so let me tell you a story."
Now the truth is that the rabbi would have preferred a simple answer to his question, and feelings of anger were already beginning to well up inside him. However, since he had come so far, he wasn't about to get up and leave so quickly.
"Do you remember the wedding of Reb Moshe's daughter?" Reb Zusya asked.
"Of course I do," the rabbi replied in a huff.
"Do you remember what happened when the special messenger arrived at your door with your personally delivered invitation?" Reb Zusya continued.
The rabbi looked at Reb Zusya with disbelief. How could Reb Zusya possibly know what had happened?
"You demanded to see the guest list," Reb Zusya said, "because you wanted to see where your name appeared on the list. When you saw that you were only fourteenth on the list - that there were thirteen other people before you - you became so angry you almost crumpled up the piece of paper in your hands. Is this correct?"
"But I am the rabbi of Hanipoli," the rabbi protested. "Because of my position, I deserve to be shown honor."
"True," replied Reb Zusya, "but did you happen to notice that the people ahead of you were Reb Moshe's relatives and close friends? Your name actually headed the list of those people outside of the family circle.
"But because you didn't see this," Reb Zusya continued, "you became so angry at Reb Moshe that you began to plot your revenge. Do you remember what you decided to do?"
The rabbi remembered it well. He had decided that the family did not deserve the honor of having him attend the chuppah (ceremony under the wedding canopy). He would show his displeasure with them by only arriving in the middle of the meal.
"By the time you arrived, of course, the hall was packed," said Reb Zusya. "The whole town was at this wedding and there wasn't an empty seat to be found. You wandered from table to table, getting jostled left and right, until Reb Moshe finally spotted you. Can you tell me what happened next?"
The rabbi didn't want to answer, but he knew he had no choice. If he didn't tell Reb Zusya, then Reb Zusya would tell him.
"Reb Moshe escorted me to the head table," the rabbi reluctantly replied. "But…"
"Nu?" said Reb Zusya. "What's the 'but' this time?"
"There wasn't any room for me at the head table," the rabbi complained. "They had to squeeze me in between the people who were already sitting there. It was insulting. Don’t they know who I am?"
"So who are you, Elijah the Prophet," asked Reb Zusya, "that people should always leave an empty place for you at the table?"
"But what about the waiters?" countered the rabbi. "Explain their rude behavior, if you can."
"It was a wedding," said Reb Zusya. "There were so many people and so much noise. Everyone calling for more this, more that. True, the waiters didn't see you, but someone else did. Isn't that right?"
The rabbi slowly nodded his head in agreement. He now remembered a detail about the wedding that he had forgotten. As soon as his host, Reb Moshe, had noticed that he was sitting with an empty plate, the wealthy philanthropist immediately went to the kitchen himself to get the rabbi some food.
When Reb Moshe returned, he apologized profusely to the rabbi. All that was left in the kitchen was a small piece of chicken and a few vegetables. The rabbi angrily refused the plate that his host offered him, and he told Reb Moshe exactly what he thought of the abominable treatment he had received at this wedding. Reb Moshe apologized once more, and then he went back to his own seat at the table.
"For the rest of the evening," Reb Zusya said, "you sat in an angry sulk. Your whole being radiated such strong feelings of displeasure that no one dared to approach you - not even to say mazel tov. So is it any wonder that you were not asked to lead the Grace After Meals at this simcha?"
The rabbi now saw the whole evening in a totally different light. He was no longer angry about what had happened, but he was still far from being happy. The mystery of how to be joyful still had not been solved.
"Now let's see what happened to Reb Zusya at this wedding," continued Reb Zusya, who always referred to himself in the third person.
"When Reb Zusya opened his door and saw there was a special delivery messenger standing before him, he couldn't believe his eyes," said the chassid. "To think that Reb Moshe, one of the wealthiest men in the town, should invite Reb Zusya to share in his simcha - and send a messenger to personally deliver the invitation. Such honor! Such kindness! Unbelievable!
"Reb Zusya was so overcome with joy for the family," Reb Zusya said, "that when the happy day finally arrived he rushed to the hall two hours before the chuppah to see if he could help with the preparations. Reb Zusya thought he might be asked to chop up some potatoes or season the chicken, but what happened? Reb Moshe asked him to officiate at the chuppah.
"After the ceremony, Reb Zusya hoped he would be able to find a seat at the table," the chassid continued. "But if not, he would be happy to stand in a corner and eat his meal there. He was just about to go look for a seat anywhere, when Reb Moshe took him by the arm and personally escorted him to a fine seat at the head table.
"Waiters suddenly came from this way and that," exclaimed Reb Zusya, "heaping chicken and potatoes and kugel on Reb Zusya's plate. Reb Zusya was so overcome by all this kindness that he just had to get up and thank his host. He blessed the bride and groom with all his heart, and was about to go back to his seat when Reb Moshe stopped him."
Reb Zusya stopped for a moment in the telling of his tale to brush a tear from his eye. He then shook his head, as if to say that he, too, couldn't belief what happened next.
"Reb Moshe then said such kind words to Reb Zusya," the chassid said, as he wiped yet another tear from his eye. "'Reb Zusya, you're so filled with simcha for my daughter and I,' Reb Moshe said, 'will you please honor me by leading us in the Grace After Meals?'
"Reb Zusya went home so happy that night," the chassid said in conclusion, "but you, my honored rabbi, went home angry and in despair - and the reason why is simple. You expected everything, and so you got nothing. I didn't ask for anything, but I got it all."
I will be flying to Houston Sat 10th Jan 0210 hours so means Friday night have to leave for the airport adi lo...will be there till 31st Jan...missing CNY - never mind lah hor...after that I will be on leave 1 whole week to see who will be around at home to teman me play mahjong. hahaha.
about forgiving - let me share this story with you: (I was a little bit less bitter about my nemesis after that, and today i even made extra effort to get along with him - hehe) this article isn't about forgiving by the way--- but a good way to start the new year!!! in the material chasing world, we tend to forget how to be simple and happy -
How to Get Everything for Nothing
In the town of Hanipoli, there were two rabbis. One, of course, was Reb Zusya, the legendary Chassidic master. The other was the rabbi of the town, who happened to be a great opponent of the Chassidic movement.
Reb Zusya was beloved by all for his sweet disposition and cheerful outlook, which he maintained despite the harsh poverty he lived in. The rabbi, however, was not so popular with the townspeople.
Although he was a man of great learning, inside this rabbi was an angry and bitter man. None of the honors bestowed on him or the marks of respect he received was ever enough for him. He always, in his heart, found some reason for complaint. And since misery loves company, once the rabbi found one complaint, he soon found another one, and then another, until he was so boiling with rage because of some perceived insult to his honor that he was ready to explode.
The rabbi of course was no boor. He knew with his intellect that the Torah condemns angry behavior in no uncertain terms. However, as soon as his heart began to ponder his unhappy state - where a man of such erudition and refined sensibilities was so unappreciated in the world - strong feelings of anger overpowered him once more.
On this cold, winter night, as he sat by the warm fire in his comfortably furnished study, the rabbi was again drifting into those dangerous, bitter waters. His thoughts returned to a wedding he had attended the week before.
The father of the bride, Reb Moshe, was a wealthy philanthropist. The entire town had been invited to join in the family's simcha (happy occasion), and no expense had been spared to celebrate the occasion. As the rabbi of the town, the rabbi, of course, expected that he would receive treatment befitting his position. Yet during that miserable evening, he had received nothing but insults.
No place at the table had been reserved for him. No food was served to him - unless you call a few picked over scraps of chicken and vegetables that no one else wanted food. But to top it all, when it came time to say the Grace After Meals, no one invited him to recite one of the special sheva brachos (seven blessings) said at a wedding.
Instead, who was given the place of honor at the wedding? Reb Zushya, that's who!
Was it any wonder that he had left the celebration in a total state of rage? How much humiliation was one man expected to endure?
His thoughts returned to the "scene of the crime" again and again, and now his mind's eye became fixed on the beaming face of Reb Zushya, who had sat through the entire event in a state of rapturous bliss.
The rabbi saw once more Reb Zusya, attired in his tattered clothes, sitting at the head table. There was Reb Zusya, who barely had a tooth in his mouth, enjoying a plate piled high with delicious foods. And when the meal was over, who was given the honor of leading the Grace After Meals? Again, Reb Zusya.
Suddenly, a log on the fire crackled and sent a burst of sparks shooting into the air. One of the sparks fell on to the rabbi's hand, and the sharp twinge of pain roused him from his thoughts.
"Even the fire is angry tonight," the rabbi muttered to himself.
The rabbi gazed at the fire, and then he looked at the small red mark on his hand.
"My flames of fires burn," he said with sadness. "Reb Zusya also has a fire within him, yet his fire doesn't burn. It warms. What's his secret?"
What's his secret? The rabbi's thoughts now became fixated on this question. Why is Reb Zusya always so happy? Why does his face always glow with goodwill? What's his secret?
As the rabbi pondered the mystery, a strange thing happened. His anger began to disappear, and an intense curiosity now took its place. Even though the hour was late and the night was bitterly cold, the rabbi had to have an answer to his question.
Normally, as rabbi of the town and a vocal opponent of the Chassidim, he would never dream of visiting one of the "sect" at his home, let alone asking one of them for advice. But tonight he was willing to put his honor - and his opposition - aside. True, he did bundle himself up in his coat and hat and scarf so that it was practically impossible to recognize him. But even this fear of being detected wasn't strong enough to stop him from determinedly trudging his way through the snow-covered streets.
Finally, the rabbi arrived at the broken-down hovel that Reb Zusya called home, and Reb Zusya invited the rabbi to come in. Despite Reb Zusya's warm welcome, the rabbi shivered even more when he stepped inside and saw the dreary, damp-stained walls, the broken furniture and the empty fireplace. He therefore lost no time in coming straight to the point.
"How is it that you are always so happy and content," the rabbi asked, "while I am always bitter and depressed?"
"It's no great secret," Reb Zusya replied, "but the reason is easier to explain by example, so let me tell you a story."
Now the truth is that the rabbi would have preferred a simple answer to his question, and feelings of anger were already beginning to well up inside him. However, since he had come so far, he wasn't about to get up and leave so quickly.
"Do you remember the wedding of Reb Moshe's daughter?" Reb Zusya asked.
"Of course I do," the rabbi replied in a huff.
"Do you remember what happened when the special messenger arrived at your door with your personally delivered invitation?" Reb Zusya continued.
The rabbi looked at Reb Zusya with disbelief. How could Reb Zusya possibly know what had happened?
"You demanded to see the guest list," Reb Zusya said, "because you wanted to see where your name appeared on the list. When you saw that you were only fourteenth on the list - that there were thirteen other people before you - you became so angry you almost crumpled up the piece of paper in your hands. Is this correct?"
"But I am the rabbi of Hanipoli," the rabbi protested. "Because of my position, I deserve to be shown honor."
"True," replied Reb Zusya, "but did you happen to notice that the people ahead of you were Reb Moshe's relatives and close friends? Your name actually headed the list of those people outside of the family circle.
"But because you didn't see this," Reb Zusya continued, "you became so angry at Reb Moshe that you began to plot your revenge. Do you remember what you decided to do?"
The rabbi remembered it well. He had decided that the family did not deserve the honor of having him attend the chuppah (ceremony under the wedding canopy). He would show his displeasure with them by only arriving in the middle of the meal.
"By the time you arrived, of course, the hall was packed," said Reb Zusya. "The whole town was at this wedding and there wasn't an empty seat to be found. You wandered from table to table, getting jostled left and right, until Reb Moshe finally spotted you. Can you tell me what happened next?"
The rabbi didn't want to answer, but he knew he had no choice. If he didn't tell Reb Zusya, then Reb Zusya would tell him.
"Reb Moshe escorted me to the head table," the rabbi reluctantly replied. "But…"
"Nu?" said Reb Zusya. "What's the 'but' this time?"
"There wasn't any room for me at the head table," the rabbi complained. "They had to squeeze me in between the people who were already sitting there. It was insulting. Don’t they know who I am?"
"So who are you, Elijah the Prophet," asked Reb Zusya, "that people should always leave an empty place for you at the table?"
"But what about the waiters?" countered the rabbi. "Explain their rude behavior, if you can."
"It was a wedding," said Reb Zusya. "There were so many people and so much noise. Everyone calling for more this, more that. True, the waiters didn't see you, but someone else did. Isn't that right?"
The rabbi slowly nodded his head in agreement. He now remembered a detail about the wedding that he had forgotten. As soon as his host, Reb Moshe, had noticed that he was sitting with an empty plate, the wealthy philanthropist immediately went to the kitchen himself to get the rabbi some food.
When Reb Moshe returned, he apologized profusely to the rabbi. All that was left in the kitchen was a small piece of chicken and a few vegetables. The rabbi angrily refused the plate that his host offered him, and he told Reb Moshe exactly what he thought of the abominable treatment he had received at this wedding. Reb Moshe apologized once more, and then he went back to his own seat at the table.
"For the rest of the evening," Reb Zusya said, "you sat in an angry sulk. Your whole being radiated such strong feelings of displeasure that no one dared to approach you - not even to say mazel tov. So is it any wonder that you were not asked to lead the Grace After Meals at this simcha?"
The rabbi now saw the whole evening in a totally different light. He was no longer angry about what had happened, but he was still far from being happy. The mystery of how to be joyful still had not been solved.
"Now let's see what happened to Reb Zusya at this wedding," continued Reb Zusya, who always referred to himself in the third person.
"When Reb Zusya opened his door and saw there was a special delivery messenger standing before him, he couldn't believe his eyes," said the chassid. "To think that Reb Moshe, one of the wealthiest men in the town, should invite Reb Zusya to share in his simcha - and send a messenger to personally deliver the invitation. Such honor! Such kindness! Unbelievable!
"Reb Zusya was so overcome with joy for the family," Reb Zusya said, "that when the happy day finally arrived he rushed to the hall two hours before the chuppah to see if he could help with the preparations. Reb Zusya thought he might be asked to chop up some potatoes or season the chicken, but what happened? Reb Moshe asked him to officiate at the chuppah.
"After the ceremony, Reb Zusya hoped he would be able to find a seat at the table," the chassid continued. "But if not, he would be happy to stand in a corner and eat his meal there. He was just about to go look for a seat anywhere, when Reb Moshe took him by the arm and personally escorted him to a fine seat at the head table.
"Waiters suddenly came from this way and that," exclaimed Reb Zusya, "heaping chicken and potatoes and kugel on Reb Zusya's plate. Reb Zusya was so overcome by all this kindness that he just had to get up and thank his host. He blessed the bride and groom with all his heart, and was about to go back to his seat when Reb Moshe stopped him."
Reb Zusya stopped for a moment in the telling of his tale to brush a tear from his eye. He then shook his head, as if to say that he, too, couldn't belief what happened next.
"Reb Moshe then said such kind words to Reb Zusya," the chassid said, as he wiped yet another tear from his eye. "'Reb Zusya, you're so filled with simcha for my daughter and I,' Reb Moshe said, 'will you please honor me by leading us in the Grace After Meals?'
"Reb Zusya went home so happy that night," the chassid said in conclusion, "but you, my honored rabbi, went home angry and in despair - and the reason why is simple. You expected everything, and so you got nothing. I didn't ask for anything, but I got it all."
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