Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'
The girl said, 'NO!'
And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, drank whole bottles of wine, chatted for hours on the phone to friends, always had a clean house, watched chick flicks without feeling guilty, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, didn't have to pay for dual view tv, travelled more, had a career, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theatre, never watched sports, owned every remote control in the house, never wore friggin lacy lingerie that went up her arse, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, and felt and looked fabulous all the time.
THE END
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Monday, July 20, 2009
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
X'mas Recession Theme
Sing Along Everyone!
You'd better watch out,
You'd better not cry;
You'd better keep cash,
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.
It's hitting you once,
It's hitting you twice
It doesn't care if you've been careful and wise
Recession is coming to town
It's worthless if you've got shares
It's worthless if you've got bonds
It's safe when you've got cash in hand
So keep cash for goodness sake,
HEY
You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town!
Finance products are confusing
Finance products are so vague
The banks make you bear the cost of risk
So keep out for goodness sake,
OH
You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.
You'd better watch out,
You'd better not cry;
You'd better keep cash,
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.
It's hitting you once,
It's hitting you twice
It doesn't care if you've been careful and wise
Recession is coming to town
It's worthless if you've got shares
It's worthless if you've got bonds
It's safe when you've got cash in hand
So keep cash for goodness sake,
HEY
You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town!
Finance products are confusing
Finance products are so vague
The banks make you bear the cost of risk
So keep out for goodness sake,
OH
You'd better watch out
You'd better not cry
You'd better keep cash
I'm telling you why:
Recession is coming to town.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Brrrr...
Dear God,
I was just joking when I said I love places with mediterranean climates...i think it means with 4 seasons??? i take it back...Now make Italia a tropical climate country please????? Brrrrrr....
***************************
Tiga Ekor Pontianak
Pada satu malam 3 ekor pontinak sedang bertenggek di atas pokok sambil bergaduh tentang kehebatan masing-masing.Ketiga-tiga mengaku diri mereka hebat.Untuk menentukan siapa paling hebat mereka pun cuba membuktikan ke hebatan masing-masing.
Pontianak A terbang dengan sepantas kilat.10 saat kemudian balik semula ke pokok tersebut.Kelihatan ada kesan-kesan darah di sekitar gigi Pontianak A.
Pontianak A : Korang nampak rumah tu?
Pontianak B : Nampak!
Pontianak C : Nampak!
Pontianak A : Satu rumah tu habis aku kerjakan.
Pontianak B pula terbang lebih pantas dari Pontianak A. 5 saat kemudian balik semula ke pokok tersebeut.Kelihatan ada darah bukan setakat pada gigi,malah pada keseluruhan mulut pontianak tersebut.
Pontianak B : Korang nampak kampung tu?
Pontianak A : Nampak!
Pontianak C : Nampak!
Pontianak B : Habis satu kampung tu aku kerjakan.
Sejurus lepas itu Pontianak C pula terbang lebih pantas dari Pontianak A dan B .Dalam masa 2 saat je dia kembali ke pokok tersebut.Kelihatan darah mengalir-ngalir bukan sahaja pada mulut,malah pada keseluruhan muka pontianak tersebut.
Pontianak C : Korang nampak tembok kat hujung sana tu?
Pontianak A : Nampak!
Pontianak B : Nampak!
Pontianak C : Err...tadi aku tak nampak...
I was just joking when I said I love places with mediterranean climates...i think it means with 4 seasons??? i take it back...Now make Italia a tropical climate country please????? Brrrrrr....
***************************
Tiga Ekor Pontianak
Pada satu malam 3 ekor pontinak sedang bertenggek di atas pokok sambil bergaduh tentang kehebatan masing-masing.Ketiga-tiga mengaku diri mereka hebat.Untuk menentukan siapa paling hebat mereka pun cuba membuktikan ke hebatan masing-masing.
Pontianak A terbang dengan sepantas kilat.10 saat kemudian balik semula ke pokok tersebut.Kelihatan ada kesan-kesan darah di sekitar gigi Pontianak A.
Pontianak A : Korang nampak rumah tu?
Pontianak B : Nampak!
Pontianak C : Nampak!
Pontianak A : Satu rumah tu habis aku kerjakan.
Pontianak B pula terbang lebih pantas dari Pontianak A. 5 saat kemudian balik semula ke pokok tersebeut.Kelihatan ada darah bukan setakat pada gigi,malah pada keseluruhan mulut pontianak tersebut.
Pontianak B : Korang nampak kampung tu?
Pontianak A : Nampak!
Pontianak C : Nampak!
Pontianak B : Habis satu kampung tu aku kerjakan.
Sejurus lepas itu Pontianak C pula terbang lebih pantas dari Pontianak A dan B .Dalam masa 2 saat je dia kembali ke pokok tersebut.Kelihatan darah mengalir-ngalir bukan sahaja pada mulut,malah pada keseluruhan muka pontianak tersebut.
Pontianak C : Korang nampak tembok kat hujung sana tu?
Pontianak A : Nampak!
Pontianak B : Nampak!
Pontianak C : Err...tadi aku tak nampak...
Thursday, June 28, 2007
WELCOME TO THE HUSBAND STORE
Most of you probably read this before anyway.. =)
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch...you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband...
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1: These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2: These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3: These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4: These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5: These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6: You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!
There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch...you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband...
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1: These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2: These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3: These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4: These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5: These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6: You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!
Saturday, April 14, 2007
its been a long time..im back!!
NEW ELEMENT IN THE PERIODIC TABLE
Element : WOMEN
Symbol : WO+
Atomic mass : Accepted as 53.6 Kg; isotopes may vary from 40-200 kg.
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Boils at room temperature
2. Freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter, if incorrectly used.
5. Sweet as Honey if given a proper treatment.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Have great affinity for Gold, Silver and a range of precious stones and absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for unknown cause
3. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by that.
4. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
TESTS
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy.
2. Turns green when placed behind a better specimen.
POTENTIAL HAZARD
illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come in direct contact with each other.
!! WARNING !! PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE FINANCIAL HEMORRHAGING AND MENTAL DISTRESS. BE CAUTIOUS
Element : WOMEN
Symbol : WO+
Atomic mass : Accepted as 53.6 Kg; isotopes may vary from 40-200 kg.
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Boils at room temperature
2. Freezes without any known reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter, if incorrectly used.
5. Sweet as Honey if given a proper treatment.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Have great affinity for Gold, Silver and a range of precious stones and absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
2. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for unknown cause
3. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by that.
4. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
TESTS
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when happy.
2. Turns green when placed behind a better specimen.
POTENTIAL HAZARD
illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come in direct contact with each other.
!! WARNING !! PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE FINANCIAL HEMORRHAGING AND MENTAL DISTRESS. BE CAUTIOUS
Monday, January 22, 2007
The World's Funniest Joke
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
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