confused..

Warning: Long post alert~

I want to blog..I really want to blog..I want to tell my readers what has happened for the past few months..but there are so so so many things to tell and I do not know where to begin. and the laziness is creeping into me..

Been back to penang a few days d..was totally lazing around doing nothing. eat eat eat..feeling so lethargic...oh btw my house in penang has been upgraded after the rebuild. damn cantik. hehehe as usual I promise that I will post up the before and after pictures when I have the time (as I have for ALL my other promises to blog on other things, but eventually I will procrastinate to no end then eventually I will forget about it...) Can't blame me ar, my hard disk has died so means I don't have my computer to use la...my uncle has stripped and dismantled the whole thing d I think..and the previous CPU is all gone and buried d from the fire..now thinking whether should I get a laptop or a new desktop...

but..now that i'm a sort-of-a-graduate (SOAG), my limitations are even more limited when I was a student. as a SOAG, there is no more monthly disbursements from my dear sponsor Petronas...as a SOAG, I'm not a student, but not yet a working adult. even when I do start work, i'll be penniless for the whole month i'm working. As a SOAG, I can't ask money from my parents as I never did when I was a student..so now lagi kenot kan? I'm only a SOAG for less than 2 weeks and it's already THAT depressing. no good no good. When I was a student, I sumore can afford to travel every year u noe??? now ar..want to go graduation trip also kami pergi Genting Highlands nia.

well..I can actually chi yam chi sek at home till I get my 1st salary..but being the hiao person that I am, I just had to find a job in the busy KL where the cost of living is high, where i dont get to chiyam chi sek and where i get to spend double the fuel to get across to half the distance as compared to penang. maklumlah the congestion in KL that teruk wan..but i beh kam muan ma, if I don't work as an aeronautical engineer. then so chicham study liao work as mechanical engineer in a MNC a bit wasted rite?..although it is a big temptation la, my house just behind the FIZ in Penang. I can practically golek to work in Motorola or Seagate or Intel and reach in half an hour. so now a bit bummed. i guess this is the typical transition eh feeling when you are a SOAG...

but nampaknya the penyakit SOAG comes with another chronic disease where we all have to face the brutal truth. Aging! damn. now go outside, no longer the status of a student, people are basically entitled to call me as auntie d..lately I also feel like an auntie..*gasp I actually turned down offers to go clubbing u noe? like, I never do that wan..will always find the energy no matter how tired I am..now the idea kinda turned me off..am repelled by clubs? and hip hop R&B songs? totally irritating and annoying. there is definitely something wrong with me right? i now listen to Light FM..no more Hitz.fm.. and prefer jazz, oldies, classical. lao eh. no good no good..need to regain my youth before i turn to uncle type like my dad..

there are so so so many decisions to make..to work or not with my sponsor Petronas, or join the aero company..I did promise the aero company d, but i guess I can leave during the probationary period..but my problem is, I'm bonded to Petronas for 10years. Sigh. I even had to reject the other German company that I got because the company wants to bond for 2 yrs (cos they send training to US)..and what if I do get the Italian scholarship (I've to stop talking about it d else the disappointment sure damn tinggi if I do not get..and Dad also hoping that I won't get...he wants me to settle down and work d..)...sien ya!!!!!!!!!!!! so it's all so indefinite now, hence amplifying the SOAG status. Feel like a rice worm (mi zhong) now..blergggghhhhhhh

just got back few days nia, tomorrow will leave for KL again d..will leave my SLK here for 10days la..am going Terengganu for 10days on Friday for a Petronas programm cum interview. now also damn tension..all my family members are keen on me working with Pet but I am reluctant to..dont know why also..memang something wrong with me. -_-" I'll be starting work with the aero company in early June. haihs haihs haihs. dont know what I am feeling also la..just know that when I'm this miserable then I sure eat eat eat nia wan..I should be happy that I have so many choices but I am not at all wor..cos i damn terkenal with my indecisiveness wan..

aiyaya..so late d..have to continue unpacking and packing. i only had laksa once ever since i got back!!! cis...