inadequacy

I feel inadequate somehow!
not by size, definitely, but by measuring myself against my other super successful friends...
and at the moment, i am lagging behind financially, physically, emotionally and...hmm socially?

i do have a loving boyfriend and a great family though (which i don't see often)...

money o' money, pls grow quickly!

on a 2nd thought, me here in Labuan, other than working i don't really hv much to do, i should have ALL the time to focus on self-improving...bt so far the only improvement i've seen is the expansion of my waistline and everywhere else on my body, which is bad bad news :P

quarterlife crisis thing

I think I'm experiencing a phase II quarterlife crisis. I just feel so lazy and demotivated to do anything at all. Totally uninspired.

change design!

After being MIA so long in blogging...never realized this Template Designer function thingy...but it's time for a change...still a bit too colorfulish for my liking, yes i'm such a boring person...we'll see!

Poppy...

Btw it's my birthday today! :) Spoke to my mom just now and she told me that she won a lucky draw last night - A Dell Laptop, but she also said that Poppy, our dog in Taiping passed away a few days ago...and Papa said he has been with us since 1995...so it's a bit older than 15 years old...for a dog to live up to 15 yrs I find it impressive, no?

Mom said a week ago when she went back to Taiping Poppy seemed really weak but Poppy has always been loyal and guarded the house (fiercely?) all his life. I remembered it came in a cute puppy size, if I am not mistaken...well I don't go back to Taiping that often so I don't remember...

But initially, it used to at all strangers, the 1st time I saw it, it barked at me and my mom made it 'smell' and 'sniff' at me and remember my 'scent'...after that it never barked at me anymore...

Anyway, Poppy had been sick since early this year, I'd say due to old age and something at his 'coconuts'...but it wouldn't quit and still took care of the house. Mama said she did this 'ritual', burned incense etc and spoke to Poppy..."you know you've served us for a long long time, and since you have been sick, you don't have to do it anymore...you could go if you want, we appreciate you being around for so long" (I don't know ar if this has been dramatized or not...I'm just saying it how my mom told me) but i guess Poppy understood? My parents make a weekly trip back to Taiping just to feed him...so last weekend when they went back to Taiping, Poppy already died peacefully in his sleep. Mama said it sat in a very nice position, with his nose facing the gate, just as usual, waiting for his owners to come home every week...but maybe his spirits was lifted and felt it was OK to leave after my mom did the 'ritual' thing. I don't know for sure if a dog understood but I guess so? It's so simple but yet so touching...

Then Mama buried it with Papa's help...but as carcasses, like humans, after it died, would bloat up...Mama wrapped it and was about to carry it then it let out a big fart...so she got such a fright and fell sick...well, anyway Poppy is now lying in his last home just behind our house in Taiping...Mama said it brought her luck, hence the Laptop Dell lucky draw...so it's all good

May Poppy RIP

catching up with life...

how many of us needs it?

I barely have time anymore, to do anything at all. and time really flies...I always told myself, tomorrow I will update my blog, and with a blink of an eye, it has been 4 months since I last wrote.

I enjoy writing, it allows me to express myself even though I'm not very good with words, nor the greatest command in grammar, but it makes me feel good. and i've been getting requests to write, so here I am, by request. LOL.

My work is fine, i think I will have a somewhat bright future, if not a party light bright also will jadi lah. I thought I was happy, I get a reasonable pay...it's considered very little in the oil and gas industry, well, because I am still a trainee, but it's a reasonable pay. Still got complains but I learn to be grateful. So am sticking to this job, and waiting for my big break to come when I become rich and famous. Not really, just have to go through this 3-year career path. 9 months down, 26 months to go. it feels such like a prison sentence sometimes.

Labuan is not too bad of a location to be in...I get a nice staffhouse, a maid comes in to clean 6 days/week, I get to thrash my stuff and magically things are back to their original place when I get back from work.

BUT...if I don't get out of Labuan, I do not get additional pay like allowances to do additional stuff. BUT...that would mean I have to be nomadic and earn just a peasy bitsy more. Worth it or not? Worth or not I still will take it la.

Then I become miserable when I open my grand excel spreadsheet that stipulates my savings, cash flow in and out, investments (or the lack of it)...granted I am able to afford more things now, but I cannot do grand things with them...like buying my own place...the sum I am earning seems so paltry in comparison. And I see people in my industry, my age, owning a few properties already etc, or having the time of their life...

That was then, just about 2 months ago that I was really miserable. After that the philosophical me managed to cheer myself up and said "sacrifices is needed to get ahead. Be contented with what you have and learn as much as you can from this stint."

I guess the most difficult thing being this job is not the physically tough things I have to do, but just physically away from loved ones.

Anyway I'm doing great now, miserable from time to time - like now - where since this morning I ran to the toilet 6 times d due to my amazing cooking :(

Just now I was browsing thru a friend's FB page...and he is doing OK, a regular job with regular salary, his main transportation is a motorbike, recently proposed to his girlfriend (and she said yes), about to move into a new house, simple mind, simple dreams (well one of his dreams is to become rich obviously) but yet, I felt that he was truly happy.

He takes care of his pets, i think he has about a gazillion pets, takes pictures of them, very in love with his gf, plays sports, acts like an idiot most of the time (I think la), quite stingy as far as I remember, but never does anything against his principles. His friends love him. I can say, I really respect him.

Then I start feeling a bit empty inside. I probably earn more than him, and I have found someone that really loves me, my future seems 'bright', I have a bunch of friends that cares for me (but just forgotten because I'm always not around), been traveling around a bit...in an absurd way, I envy him. He looks so...contented...whereas I keep wanting more, needing more. I know I can be happy being back finding a new job in KL or Penang, but once I lose the thrill/challenges at work I would feel restless again.

I guess it's the case of missing the beau, family and friends. :) But I've a new life here, and it ain't that bad either...