Just now I went out for lunch with my bunch of colleagues...a new colleague just joined us last week, she's working like an admin for us in the maintenance team. Really nice, attractive and sweet. I thought she was just one of the regular us...I was always not in the office (we have to work in the workshop as trainees) so I've never noticed her physical attributes and stuff...
Then while we were eating, she sat across me. her food arrived and she prayed. then she picked up her utensils and only did I notice that she had 2 fingers missing, and the other 3 deformed. her left hand was alright though...I was taken back, because I sat in her car once, and she drove fine to me...but she was able to eat normally and stuff, so I'd think it was something that she acquired since birth...
A bunch of emotions came into my mind. Admiration, because she seemed so normal and is not wallowing in self-pity, seems like a confident person to me. but also pity because she seemed very attractive to me, except for this 1 imperfection...If to put it bluntly, she would be considered disabled. Is it ok to even work in my current company, would it be dangerous for her...but she's based inside the office so it's fine...but for guys to want to date her, superficial ones would probably not want someone like that? Yes, mean thoughts came to me, but this is a cruel world, I'm just stating things the way it is. Then I felt ashamed of myself. I've never given much thought to my limbs that work perfectly fine...my 10 fingers and 10 toes... never had a struggle before. Definitely should appreciate it and am very thankful for what God blessed me.
I've always preached to people about being thankful of what you have. But I guess I always meant it in the sense of material possessions, people that care for you...the physical attractiveness that you have...but not really about fully working limbs...Will need to remind myself constantly not to take things for granted. They are a blessing.
Showing posts with label Chim Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chim Thoughts. Show all posts
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Thursday, January 18, 2007
The nite I couldn't sleep
Last night after a heavy dinner, I happily watched anime, some House series and then went to bed at 1am, since class is at 10am this morning. Kut kut lah damn proud for beryoga for 1 whole hour yesterday. And was so busy the whole day ma...so it should be a good, relaxing sleep. weather sumore cold cold...Thus I snuggled into my blanket and slept...
Woke up at 2am...Tossed and turned =( Ciz. then think happy thoughts, fattening thoughts, evil thoughts and FYP thoughts. 3am. Prognosis: I must be hungry. Cos I overexerted myself by yoga (excuse to eat nia) for an entire hour earlier that evening ma. hmm. logic. My heavy dinner must've already been entirely digested. Thus, in order to save my tummy, I had 3 pcs of HupSeng kiam pneah (latest addiction).Lies back on bed.
4am. Cis. Still awake wan...must be still hungry kua.Takes a piece of bread. Puts a slice of cheese on it. Melts it with the microwave oven. Yum-yum. Still not full. Takes another piece of bread. This time smother it with Milo. I heard it's good. and I've got sudden cravings for Milo anyway. Yuuuummmm. Confirm tat my hard work of yoga that evening has gone to waste =( Drinks a glass of milk. Jumps back to bed.
5am. Why?????? I'm so tired d..but can't sleep..Realised culprit: My clothes' fabric is not cotton. Very uncomfy and hot. Ciz. Could've saved myself of 3 Hupseng and 2 pcs gardenia had I realised earlier. Changed clothes. Bahagia...Then I dozed off...
The communists are making us plant and reap the crops the whole day, from early morning to night. The food ration is so little, the 3 meals rationed barely make up to our regular 1 meal. I heard they sent off the neighbour's dad off to some camp or village last week but never came back. But it's just a pretense. Apparently the communists has already silenced him forever as they believe him to be a government supporter. Am so worried for dad and mom. The communists just came to pick up them just now. Younger bro is crying. But am not sure why we still get to live in our flats. Can tanam so many crops in flat wan meh? Ahbo I try to call Dad with my Nokia 6270, "hello? Where are you?Are you and mom ok?"
"Yeah we're fine..we are in the village now"
"Eh...how come the communists let you keep your Nokia 3310?"
"Yalor, they let us keep hor, so kind"
"I see..alright. Glad that everything's ok.Ttyl"
I was sending Dad a text message when...
The ringtone of Floorfilla Anthem rang. Jeez. Vun called d..Looks at alarm clock. 9.55am. Class at 10am. Brush teeth and hurry off to class. Late 20mins siot. Lol. Actually hor, after telling this long winded story, my point is I wanted to reflect on my dream cos I kept thinking about it the whole day. Hehe. Such a funny dream right?But it isn't.
I read this book 2 weeks ago, FIRST THEY KILLED MY FATHER by Loung Ung. Written by a Cambodian survivor of the Khmer Rouge's tyranny, this story told of how she and her family survived the era. From 1975-1979, through torture, execution, starvation, disease and forced labour, the Khmer Rouge killed 1/4 of Cambodia's population, which was about 2 million people. Imagine, 2 million ppl dead for no reason. Just because Khmer Rouge felt they were right in their own twisted patriotic mind. Obviously my dream was that I was in that Khmer Rouge era. The writer had to eat charcoals, worms, roaches and anything they could find on the floor to fill up their stomach. Using their jewelry to trade for food, the chicken they traded for were totally walloped. Even the bones were eaten with relish. From a well-to-do family, and chubby, she went from healthy and robust to being malnourished. From well groomed and trimmed hair, to being filled with hair lice, sticky and knotted. They make do with mud water as bathing water. When they are lucky, they get to use the river. No toothbrush, toothpaste or any sorts. All kinds of diseases plagued the society then, and all the suspects (mainly government servants) were killed. Her dad, mom and sister was killed by the communists, and another sister died from disease. Obviously there were also rapings and all sorts.. dan sebagainya. It was really sad reading the book, and all of it is true. All because of the craze for power, innocent people had to suffer. The Khmer Rouge (called Angkar) destroyed many of the temples that was preserved (Angkor Wat and all the other Wats) and basically killed their prospering country. 30 yrs later, when I visited Cambodia in June 2006, I can see that their country is still slowly picking up..The poverty was quite bad and you see shoeless children begging for food whereever you go. And some that stepped on the landmines and survived? Either tak bertangan or berkaki. I almost forgotten the scenario d till I dreamt of it last nite.
Gosh, we always complain so much about dissatisfactions in life. Do we realise how lucky we actually are? Even our communists last time in Malaya weren't so bad (I believe la, since my grandma always tell of the stories of the Japanese occupation and communists). I mean, at least gramps and grandma had potatoes to eat everyday. I mean, roaches, crickets, and yucks. Many other types of insects were described in the book. We are just so so so lucky to be borned in this era and in Malaysia. And I can guarantee you that there are definitely no handphones nor nice communists like in my dream during the wartimes (sure la, tarak handphone pun last time, but it was just an analogy for small luxuries). I'm not making sense am I?
What can I say. Sometimes we just forget to appreciate things. Or simple things in life. Go read the book. I guarantee it will at least twitch a vein in your heart.
p/s: sorry the beginning of the post was a bit mouliu and non-relevant. but wanted to build the momentum to write ma, which is prelude to my dream, which is the prelude to the Khmer Rouge tyranny which is prelude to emphasis on how lucky we are now. Jeez, no wonder I nv score well for essays. No head no tail~
Woke up at 2am...Tossed and turned =( Ciz. then think happy thoughts, fattening thoughts, evil thoughts and FYP thoughts. 3am. Prognosis: I must be hungry. Cos I overexerted myself by yoga (excuse to eat nia) for an entire hour earlier that evening ma. hmm. logic. My heavy dinner must've already been entirely digested. Thus, in order to save my tummy, I had 3 pcs of HupSeng kiam pneah (latest addiction).Lies back on bed.
4am. Cis. Still awake wan...must be still hungry kua.Takes a piece of bread. Puts a slice of cheese on it. Melts it with the microwave oven. Yum-yum. Still not full. Takes another piece of bread. This time smother it with Milo. I heard it's good. and I've got sudden cravings for Milo anyway. Yuuuummmm. Confirm tat my hard work of yoga that evening has gone to waste =( Drinks a glass of milk. Jumps back to bed.
5am. Why?????? I'm so tired d..but can't sleep..Realised culprit: My clothes' fabric is not cotton. Very uncomfy and hot. Ciz. Could've saved myself of 3 Hupseng and 2 pcs gardenia had I realised earlier. Changed clothes. Bahagia...Then I dozed off...
The communists are making us plant and reap the crops the whole day, from early morning to night. The food ration is so little, the 3 meals rationed barely make up to our regular 1 meal. I heard they sent off the neighbour's dad off to some camp or village last week but never came back. But it's just a pretense. Apparently the communists has already silenced him forever as they believe him to be a government supporter. Am so worried for dad and mom. The communists just came to pick up them just now. Younger bro is crying. But am not sure why we still get to live in our flats. Can tanam so many crops in flat wan meh? Ahbo I try to call Dad with my Nokia 6270, "hello? Where are you?Are you and mom ok?"
"Yeah we're fine..we are in the village now"
"Eh...how come the communists let you keep your Nokia 3310?"
"Yalor, they let us keep hor, so kind"
"I see..alright. Glad that everything's ok.Ttyl"
I was sending Dad a text message when...
The ringtone of Floorfilla Anthem rang. Jeez. Vun called d..Looks at alarm clock. 9.55am. Class at 10am. Brush teeth and hurry off to class. Late 20mins siot. Lol. Actually hor, after telling this long winded story, my point is I wanted to reflect on my dream cos I kept thinking about it the whole day. Hehe. Such a funny dream right?But it isn't.
I read this book 2 weeks ago, FIRST THEY KILLED MY FATHER by Loung Ung. Written by a Cambodian survivor of the Khmer Rouge's tyranny, this story told of how she and her family survived the era. From 1975-1979, through torture, execution, starvation, disease and forced labour, the Khmer Rouge killed 1/4 of Cambodia's population, which was about 2 million people. Imagine, 2 million ppl dead for no reason. Just because Khmer Rouge felt they were right in their own twisted patriotic mind. Obviously my dream was that I was in that Khmer Rouge era. The writer had to eat charcoals, worms, roaches and anything they could find on the floor to fill up their stomach. Using their jewelry to trade for food, the chicken they traded for were totally walloped. Even the bones were eaten with relish. From a well-to-do family, and chubby, she went from healthy and robust to being malnourished. From well groomed and trimmed hair, to being filled with hair lice, sticky and knotted. They make do with mud water as bathing water. When they are lucky, they get to use the river. No toothbrush, toothpaste or any sorts. All kinds of diseases plagued the society then, and all the suspects (mainly government servants) were killed. Her dad, mom and sister was killed by the communists, and another sister died from disease. Obviously there were also rapings and all sorts.. dan sebagainya. It was really sad reading the book, and all of it is true. All because of the craze for power, innocent people had to suffer. The Khmer Rouge (called Angkar) destroyed many of the temples that was preserved (Angkor Wat and all the other Wats) and basically killed their prospering country. 30 yrs later, when I visited Cambodia in June 2006, I can see that their country is still slowly picking up..The poverty was quite bad and you see shoeless children begging for food whereever you go. And some that stepped on the landmines and survived? Either tak bertangan or berkaki. I almost forgotten the scenario d till I dreamt of it last nite.
Gosh, we always complain so much about dissatisfactions in life. Do we realise how lucky we actually are? Even our communists last time in Malaya weren't so bad (I believe la, since my grandma always tell of the stories of the Japanese occupation and communists). I mean, at least gramps and grandma had potatoes to eat everyday. I mean, roaches, crickets, and yucks. Many other types of insects were described in the book. We are just so so so lucky to be borned in this era and in Malaysia. And I can guarantee you that there are definitely no handphones nor nice communists like in my dream during the wartimes (sure la, tarak handphone pun last time, but it was just an analogy for small luxuries). I'm not making sense am I?
What can I say. Sometimes we just forget to appreciate things. Or simple things in life. Go read the book. I guarantee it will at least twitch a vein in your heart.
p/s: sorry the beginning of the post was a bit mouliu and non-relevant. but wanted to build the momentum to write ma, which is prelude to my dream, which is the prelude to the Khmer Rouge tyranny which is prelude to emphasis on how lucky we are now. Jeez, no wonder I nv score well for essays. No head no tail~
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